


And I will follow you with my whole life (Lead Me To The Truth)

by estel_willow, mandsangelfox



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: A little fluffy, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, heavy on the feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 03:58:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1590824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estel_willow/pseuds/estel_willow, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandsangelfox/pseuds/mandsangelfox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What do you mean when you say, and I quote, ‘You need to come down to the planet because the Captain panicked and told the Xorn ambassador that he was in a committed relationship with his CMO’?” Leo asked. Adelaide - who was sat in his office - looked like she was about to laugh and Leo shot her a glare that was completely ineffectual. Chekov just lifted his shoulders.</p><p>“I do not know for sure, but ze transmission was quite clear. Ze Keptin needs you on ze planet so that you can stop him from having to wed ze Xornian ambassador’s daughter.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I will follow you with my whole life (Lead Me To The Truth)

It had been a whole lot of mess and a whole lot of fussing and one hell of a cleanup job because when Jim Kirk flirted, civilisations collapsed around him. He was like a supernova, the gravitic field he had just drew everyone around him in like hopeless asteroids, pulled ever closer until they burned up due to the proximity. No one was immune to it, not his crew, not foreign diplomats, no one. One flash of that smile and those baby blues and girls were dropping their panties, hotter than a whore in the middle of a Georgian summer.

They’d been sent down to do some diplomacy and since Leonard McCoy (MD, PhD etc etc) hated foreign planets just about as much as he hated diplomacy, he’d elected to stay behind. On the safe side, because he knew what Jim was like, he’d pumped the guy full of anti-histamines to find off any kind of allergic reaction due to pollen spores (or whatever else might have been down there) and then locked himself in lab 3 to work on trying to synthesis a cure for a particularly vicious strain of Migellan Ebola. He was only distracted from his mission-long, self-imposed solitude when the comm came through from Spock, demanding his presence in the sickbay.

 _It’s the Captain_ , the Vulcan had said, and dammit if that hadn’t gotten his feet up and moving a whole lot faster than Leo thought his old bones could take him. Heh. Bones. He might not have been old by Federation standards, but he was the third oldest on the ship, surpassed only by Mr Scott and the Vulcan himself and pretty much every day he felt every single one of his thirty three years.

When he found out what had happened he felt like he could have exploded out of sheer frustration at Jim’s- well, it wasn’t always Jim’s fault. Jim had been playing nice, a little too nice, with one of the diplomat’s wives - and he could just hear Jim protesting _‘I didn’t know, Bones, I swear, if I’d known she was married-’_ \- and he’d been challenged to a duel that had started instantly. And when fighting against a four armed, puce-skinned rage monster who wanted to rip you limb from limb for touching his woman, it was no surprise that Jim Kirk had been carried into his infirmary, unconscious and bleeding from his mouth and his chest and his ears. 

Leo ignored the sharp stab of pain and jealousy that pulled at his chest and the way that he felt like his eyes were narrowing slightly in the corners at the sight of blood on Spock’s shoulder; he’d obviously carried the Captain from the planet and he caught the fact that the rise and fall of Spock’s chest was slightly faster than usual. It hit him then; Spock was scared, just as he was. Scared for the Captain.

“Goddammit, kid,” he muttered at the unconscious man on the bio bed. The initial observations were being completed and it didn’t look good. There was massive internal bleeding and an intracranial bleed that looked to be forming into a subdural hematoma that could steal the Captain away from them if nothing else did first. “What’ve I told you about wrestling with people four times your size?”

He could hear Jim’s stupid, glib response in his mind but the fact that it didn’t fall out of his mouth - blood-encrusted lips only moved to draw in a shallow (too shallow, his mind was telling him) breath, pained and awkward and struggling - made Leo’s hands shake a little. This happened every time, now, when Jim came waltzing into the infirmary with even something as small as a split lip from sparring with Lieutenant Riley. His heart raced with the flashing images of that body bag being unzipped in an agonising slow replay, forcing him to confront his worst fears; that Jim was dead, unmoving. It was the only time in the long years Leo’d known the kid that he’d been truly still. It was strangely fitting, only still in death. Even now, unconscious, Jim was still moving, there was still life in him. 

“Get some fluids and 25ccs of Sonambutril into him,” Leo snapped, getting away from the bed and towards the sonic shower to scrub down for the emergency surgery he knew he’d have to perform on his best friend. “And if you don’t belong in here, get the hell out.”

He’d been a surgeon for so long now he was pretty much ready for whatever the world - hell whatever the _universe_ \- threw at him, or at least, that’s how he felt whenever he wasn’t faced with performing emergency surgery on Jim Kirk. Operations were never harder that at that moment where he held the laser scalpel, having to take it to the chest of his best friend. Stupid, stubborn, perfect _idiot_ who threw himself head first into the fray, always flinging himself in the line of fire to save his red shirts who would happily lay their lives on the line for him if he’d only let them just once. But no, he was a chronic overachiever, had to do everything himself, an overachieving show off with a martyr complex and abandonment issues that would give any psychiatrist enough material for a lifetime’s worth of study.

Leo took a breath, pressed his teeth together and felt his forehead furrowing as the alarms around him blared, blood dribbling down the bed - _he shouldn’t be losing this much, there’s something I’m not seeing_ \- and onto the floor, splashing against his StarFleet standard issue boots and scrubs as he used every talent at his disposal to save James T Kirk’s life.

****

The six hour reparative and emergency surgery had been as exhausting as any had performed because nothing was ever simple when Jim was involved. And four hours later (ten hours since the Captain had been bought back from the planet, bleeding and unconscious and _dying_ , Leo felt bone tired (heh, bones) and his shoulders were slumped where he sat beside Jim’s bed, elbow on the arm of the chair and forehead resting in his hands, temples cradled by one long forefinger and thumb, the webbing between thumb and forefinger pressed against the ridge of his brow. His eyes were closed, but he was anything but asleep. He was hyper focused on the sounds around him, ready to act should Jim’s bed sound an alarm - again. Every time he slept - which was why he didn’t do it much and never without a glass of something to help dull the edges - his dreams were filled with warp cores and death and murder and a haunting, jeering chorus of _too late, too late too late toolatetoolate_ ; too late for Jim, just like he was too late for his father. He was having enough trouble trying to wash clean the new image of his fingers buried in Jim’s stomach, pinching the artery with his right hand whilst he was simultaneously trying to cauterise it with his left to ensure he didn’t bleed out.

He’d resorted to old techniques, Jim’s immune system made him a fucking nightmare to treat and a lot of the medications he would have used would have caused an allergic reaction that would have killed him faster than tossing him out of the airlock into the vacuum of space (and considering it took three seconds for your blood to boil, that was fast). He hadn’t wanted to kill the guy or make an awful situation infinitely worse so he’d resorted to doing an impromptu round of brain surgery to lessen the bleed and pressure around Jim’s skull to stop permanent damage. One of his lungs had collapsed too, and he was bleeding into the cavity, so a chest drain - archaic, but effective - had been applied and was slowly draining the blood that had leaked into Jim’s lungs and chest cavity out of his body, away from where it wasn’t meant to be and into a container that was cleaning it and returning it to where it needed to be: in Jim’s veins. The bio bed was humming to itself softly as it constantly read Jim’s vitals, beeping as it updated every few seconds, a reassuring, repetitive sound that was almost as good as the sound of a live heartbeat under the doctor’s ear. 

“Goddamnit, kid,” he muttered again, feeling a surge of ire at the situation (along with numerous other emotions he was too tired to examine after having suffered through them for so long, ignoring them was second nature now, denial was something Leonard McCoy was brilliant at). He scrubbed his hand through his hair. “You have gotta start bein’ more careful.”

Another cursory glance up at the bed, reassured by the stats - that they weren’t going to bottom out again, that Jim wasn’t going to flatline again and he wasn’t going to die ( _again and again and again_ ) - he got to his feet, feeling his joints creaking and groan in protest. He needed to file this in the official log and submit a full report to Commander Spock in his role as Acting Captain under the circumstances until Jim was deemed fit to leave sickbay and return to duty.

If Leo had his way, he thought grimly, Jim would never leave sickbay.

Honestly it hadn't been his fault, not really. If he'd known she was married then he totally wouldn't have dialed back on the flirt and been a bit more... reserved if you will, but she hadn't said one word and Jim? Well he would have known about it because he spoke only a dozen or more different languages even if people took one look at him and thought dumb blonde even if said dumb blonde had made the youngest Captain in StarFleet history.

As it was he hadn't and that was exactly which had led him to going head to head a four armed, puce-skinned really pissed off hubby who quite literally tried to rip him from limb to limb and Spock? Well the Vulcan was no use whatsoever so Jim had given up after a while and focused on at least escaping this duel with his life. 

Man, Bones was going to kill him.

But then of course all of that faded in the startling realisation that a few punches in the alien in question seemed to be getting stronger and also liked fighting dirty. Not that Jim was against that because hell he'd grown up fighting dirty, but when you had four limbs it really wasn't that fair. And then the world turned a startling shade of white before Jim recognised the distress signal his body was sending out, but instead of accepting his fate he bit back, like always.

It worked, it always did, but the cost was too great, so much so the last thing he remembered before blacking out completely were Spock's arms lifting him up. He would have protested but as it was his tongue felt three times its normal size, what in the hell had he eaten?

And as he slipped in out he was blissfully unaware of the fight taking place for his life, but even if he had been he wouldn't have known what to do with it because Jim Kirk wasn't all that used to people caring and if anything he played their concern as nothing as truthfully? It scared him to death, especially at any given second it could be stolen away or they'd just decided they'd had enough of him and couldn't be bothered any longer. Just like everybody else in his life.

It was only when he heard a familiar southern drawl that his eyes began to flicker for the first time as if Bones' voice had been the phoenix touch required to pull Jim back from the brink.

The bed bleeped as the Captain roused, and Leo turned sharply to see the fluttering of those lashes and he just stopped walking away, all thoughts of filing that report sliding out of his mind. He folded his arms across his chest, still a good few feet away from the bio bed as he just watched to see how Jim would wake up. Damn fool kid, rushing in and screwing with custom, eating strange foods - that he'd specifically been told not to try because who knew what kind of crazy shit those damn aliens ate to make their skin that colour 'cause ain't no way that was natural. It had been so touch and go that Leo had thought, at one point when he was stopping the bleed, that he might lose Jim again and that was an eventuality he knew he'd have to deal with one day. But- 

He swallowed, gripping his biceps hard. 

"C'mon, kid, quit your fussin'. I didn't pump you full of much sedative." But he kept his distance, even if his words were said in jest, laced with the affection and ever present frustration that was always roused in him by Jim's mere presence, swirling emotions he hadn't felt for so long he sometimes pretended that meant he could forget what they meant. 

Jim really didn’t have any luck as far as medical care went and Bones was the one and only Doctor he trusted, would let him touch and fuss in all the ways Bones did so well, and truth be told Jim kind of enjoyed that he could even at his worst time draw a resigned smirk out of the good Doctor. 

“Try telling that to my tongue,” Jim mumbled with the smallest of smirks before he blinked his eyes not once but a few time, grimacing faintly as the world swam ever so slightly in front of his gaze. Ugh, pitchy focus, not great.

He turned his head and squinted as he was pretty sure he could make out a bluish blob and yep there was the scowl. “Hi, Bones,” he offered with a lopsided grin.

"Don't you 'hi, Bones' me, Jim," Leo growled, not at all affected in the slightest (no, not at all) by that ridiculous grin. He didn't unfold his arms but he did take a couple of steps closer, noticing the slight slur to Jim's words and panicking momentarily that he'd missed something but no, he'd caught everything, he'd kept the idiot alive for this long - brief stint in the warp core aside - and he intended on doing so for as long as he was able. Though, with his own… his own reactions, he wondered how much longer he'd be able to keep patching up the guy who turned his world around like a twister. How many times were too many to have your hands buried deep in the internal organs of the guy who was pretty much the centre of everyone's universe? 

He pressed his teeth together, feeling them grind before he forced his jaw to unlock. 

"What did I tell you 'bout eatin' foods down there?"

“I couldn’t exactly say no,” Jim protested. “They were offering it to everybody and Uhura was saying something about how if we didn’t partake then they’d take it as some sort of slight.” He sniffed, observed his predicament then reached outwards to curl his fingers around the edges of the bio-bed because there was no way now that he was conscious and all that he was going to just lie there.

He rolled his neck and then lifted a hand, rubbing at the back of his neck before he saw the strangest look in Bones’ eyes. What the...? Maybe he was imagining it or he was still too drugged up. Or that’s what he told himself because he’d seen that look before and Jim was sharper than most gave him credit for.

“What d’you think you’re doin’, Jim?” Leo asked, brow furrowing as his arms unfolded and he was over by the bed. “Oh, no, you’re pretty much still numb from the chest down and for good reason, you lie your ass back.” There was no way he was allowing Jim to get up and move around. He’d had to do a chest drain, for God’s sake. 

He clicked his tongue, tricorder in hand as he ran it over the side of Jim’s face, his other hand underneath Jim’s arm, pressed against his side with his thumb just hovering above a pressure point. He’d learned a long time ago that having his hand in the right place could cause the effervescent younger man to just be still. 

“An’ diplomatic incidents be damned, I don’t give a good goddamn if they woulda been offended, Jim, you say no ‘cause you don’t know if it’ll make you ill. Which it did, evidently.”

It disturbed Jim on more than one level how one touch from Bones was more than enough to still his always frantic scrabbling movements and how he just... stilled, reassured and oddly comforted by the press of the older man’s warm calloused hand in places that only lovers should ever touch. 

“If we want to build relations with new species,” Jim pointed out. “We can’t go around refusing their hospitality.” And he made a face at the tricorder that Bones was insisting on running over his face. “M’fine, Bones. You patched me up so why wouldn’t I be fine?”

Speaking of new species he should probably look into how somebody apologised on that world because if he’d known he never would have flirted.

Leo rolled his eyes. “Shouldn’t go off fighting things bigger than you on the stupid notion I’ll always patch you up, kid,” he said gruffly, steadfastly ignoring the warmth in his chest at Jim’s blind faith. It was misplaced, of course it was, it was absolutely misplaced because it didn’t matter how hard he tried, Leo always lost people, he always made some kind of mistake, always made some kind of error that meant someone died even if the only error was that he wasn’t fast enough, that they weren’t brought to him in time.

“One day I won’t be here and what’ll you do then, hmm?” he asked, not looking at Jim as he checked the readings from the tricorder, hazel eyes sharp on the instrument as he ran it over the incision he’d had to make for the chest drain and the surgery site. “Lie down.”

Of course Jim being Jim had already faced up to the stark reality that one day Bones wouldn’t be there, but he wasn’t going to worry about it until it actually happened. Until then he was Bones, his Bones, medical genius and Jim’s best friend. Simple as that.

“Won’t happen,” he answered a little too easily as if hiding a deeper darker worry that sure enough Bones would get tired of him, would find somebody better and just leave him. Thankfully any flicker of shadow in the normally bright blue eyes was hidden by a large boyish grin, the some of grin which had on more than one occasion melted hearts. “Unless you have something to tell me, Bones, but I’d really rather you take me out for dinner first.”

He tipped his head to watch as Bones’ undivided attention was on the tricorder, ignoring the weird urge he had to trace the lines left in Bones’ forehead when he frowned in that way he did. “Seriously, Bones? You know how much I hate sickbay.”

An ill-timed upwards glance had Leo catching that grin and he returned to looking at the tricorder because anything was better than that stupid smile that had girls throwing their panties at him on a regular basis despite fraternisation rules. He knew that tone in Jim’s voice, it appeared sometimes when he made flippant comments about his childhood, small snippets of a past that Leo hadn’t been fully invited into yet, but he knew one day it’d be there, bared for him to learn all of it and all of Jim’s scars. Until then, he was content as it was - hah, content - and he knew what Jim needed from him and he gave it, even if it wasn’t what the guy wanted.

“I know you do,” he said with a heavy sigh, “But I had to do a chest drain and neurosurgery. You’re only upright now because of sheer force of will. You get off that bed, you’ll be undoing all my hard work.” His voice was soft though as he put the tricorder down. His other hand hadn’t left that spot, free hand now sliding down to gently uncurl Jim’s fingers from the edge of the bed. “C’mon, kid. Just a little longer and you can go hide out in your room and pretend it doesn’t hurt.”

Jim felt a twinge of guilt when Bones told him what he’d done to save his life again, and sometimes he forgot that when he did stupid things there were other people directly affected. Not that it was a conscious decision, but rather born of the sad truth that Jim was used to being on his own and not having people around to be caught in the ripple effect.

And damn Bones, no, really, damn him. Those coaxing words, that all too knowing touch and the look he gave. It was just too much in one go and Jim felt himself giving in despite himself, especially as Jim Kirk didn’t just give in, not to anything or anyone. But apparently one Leonard H McCoy was the exception to that rule.

“Fineeeee,” he drawled with a roll of his eyes before sure enough back he went.

Leo looked a little surprised, and then pleased as Jim just lay back as requested. Clearly he was more drugged up than Leo had thought. Maybe he’d have to revisit the doses. He would have at least thought that Jim would have tried to walk, just to prove he could, to validate Leo’s demands that he stay put. But no, apparently not, and that was a win in Leo’s book.

“So, was she worth the beating you got?” he asked as he tapped the layout above Jim’s head, asking the bed to give him a baseline reading on Jim’s vitals now he was awake properly. Not that he really wanted to know.

“Ummm,” Jim squinted before he lifted hands and made a ‘so-so’ gesture and turned his head, regarding Bones from beneath his lashes. “I’ve seen better.” He just so happened to be looking at one of those right now, even if he was too much of a coward to say something. A man like Bones would never be interested in an immature kid like him, especially as, well, it was Bones. He deserved better than some broken boy trying to find his place in the world.

He rolled his eyes. “I tried apologising but all he did was hit me harder so I gave up on that after a while.”

“So... why pursue someone who ain’t even worth a thumbs up?” Leo asked, glad that Jim was lying down because it meant he could start using the dermal on those scrapes and abrasions that were littered across Jim’s hands. He caught the left one gently, calloused fingers encircling Jim’s wrist to keep it still as he flicked the dermal on and began running it over the broken skin. 

He didn’t know why he asked, why he always asked, because he didn’t care. All it did was remind him that he was nothing but a crotchety old man who knew too much and had lived too damn long to be interesting to Jim who loved life and adventure and all of those things that Leo hated because he knew the dangers and he knew what it was to get burned and he had no desire to go through that again. He’d almost convinced himself of that but then Jim Kirk came into his life like a rampaging bull, an unbroken stallion that no one would be able to tame and Leo had to make himself okay with the fact that Jim slept through at least a quarter of the Academy, boys, girls and anything in between. They didn’t even have to be human. Or humanoid, if his exploits at the beginning of their third year were anything to go on.

More power to him, really, Leo thought glumly, because that kind of excitement was something he’d never be able to provide Jim. 

“Next time, I’m gonna haveta shelve my distaste of all things diplomatic,” he grumbled accent thick as molasses, dermal on the bed as his thumb brushed over the newly healed skin, seeing it pink and healthy beneath his touch. No scars. Jim didn’t need more of those. He glanced up at Jim, moving around the bed to repeat the actions on the right hand, fingers looping around Jim’s wrist. “If it’ll stop you doin’ damn fool things like eating food you’re ‘llergic to.”

It was strange, how the world could just be reduced to a single point of physical contact, and for Jim it happened each and every time Bones touched him and he felt the press of that roughened skin against his own. He was fascinated with the other man’s hands, always had been, from day one. They were strong, highly capable and he had on more than one occasion that they’d feel fucking amazing going through his hair. 

Unhealthy sure, but it was what it was and Jim was just going to go with it. 

“I was bored,” he ventured with a slight lift of his shoulders. “Don’t get me wrong, meeting new races and all is great fun, but all the chit chatting gets a lil dull. An’ it’s not like Spock was helping.”

Leo resisted the urge to roll his eyes, so Jim was graced with a grimace for his troubles. “Why am I not surprised?” he drawled, repeating his motions on the right hand to double check that the skin was healed. Jim’s knuckles then became the focus of Leo’s scrutiny, fingertips skating over newly grown skin, still probably sensitive from the healing process, pink and flushed and healthy and just want he wanted to see. 

“How, dare I ask, was Mr Spock s’posed to stop you gettin’ bored? You’re a giant kid, ain’t easy to keep you entertained or focused.” He flicked Jim’s ear gently before he tapped another button, the bio bed flattened out a little, Leo’s hands moving to Jim’s waist. “Just liftin’ the top, Jim, gotta check the incision site.”

“You manage,” Jim threw back with an easy smile, all childlike and soft around the edges and far younger than it had any right to be. And for all his trust in Bones Jim still stiffened when Leo’s hands moved to his waist and there was a flutter of panic in the middle of his chest, causing his heart rate to jump ever so briefly.

Jim bit his teeth together and willed himself to calm the fuck down because well this was Bones and if he couldn’t trust Bones then who could he trust? No-one, just like always.

“Yeah,” he finally managed with a nod. “Of course.”

Leo’s gaze shot up to the display in alarm when the heart rate jumped and Jim stiffened and went still again underneath him. Any warm fuzzies he might have felt from that admission and smile were dissipated and replaced with an ache that he didn’t dare name because even after all this time, Jim still froze under his touch as a doctor and even sometimes as a friend - when Leo was brave enough to be the one to initiate the arm over the shoulder or the friendly shoulder pat, which wasn’t very often at all. He wet his lower lip. 

“You ever gonna quit doin’ that, kid?” he asked, gently pushing the edge of the shirt up to expose Jim’s stomach and right side where the needle had gone in deep to save his lung function and to stop him drowning in his own blood. The dermal was in his hand again, gently humming to itself as his hand was flat against Jim’s stomach to keep him still as he started healing the incision site, the four inch incision he’d had to make to get at the internal bleed.

“Mm,” Jim hummed. “One of these days, promise.” It was soft, a whisper if anything, you’d have to be listening quite intently to catch it. He bit his lower lip, tipped his head and watched the way Bones’ hand rested on his stomach, long fingers splayed and warm press of palm against his skin. If that wasn’t distracting then Jim didn’t know what was.

He’d take a hundred Bones over one exotic alien if he had his way, but he knew better than that. Bones wouldn’t ever look at him like that, not when he was Jim Kirk, the fuck up with the history of doing dumb things. Why would he want him when he could if he wanted have anybody he wanted?

“So, am I still pretty?”

“‘kay, good,” Leo muttered in response to Jim’s soft promise. He’d heard it, he always heard it because it was like his whole damn body was programmed to be hypersensitive to one James T Kirk, always had been ever since they’d met and Leo had been a recovering drunk with a fear of flying, nothing to lose save for his medical skeleton that Jocelyn hadn’t wanted because it reminded her too much of the hours he’d rather spend saving lives than being with her. 

He pressed his lips together and let out a soft chuckle, despairing as he finished up on the surgery incision to Jim’s question. He lifted his eyes, one eyebrow arched high on his forehead before he chuckled again and pushed the shirt up that bit further to start the cut on Jim’s side. His fingers were splayed over the curve of the younger man’s ribs now, touch on the edge of those scars he knew Jim had but had never pressed to ask what had happened to cause them. These ones, he thought, were from that genocide atrocity that had happened over a decade ago. He knew that. But he’d never pushed Jim to talk because he figured if Jim wanted to talk, he would. More fool you, Leo, his mind told him, Jim ain’t gonna let you in.

“Yeah, kid,” he muttered, not looking up again because he could feel the affection he held for the kid leaking through his voice and if he looked up, he knew it’d be burning on his damn face and he didn’t want to care, dammit. “Yeah, you ain’t half bad.”

And Jim was hypersensitive to touch, especially when said touch took people’s hands or rather Bones’ hands to scars that were physical proof that Jim had survived what should have been his death. Others hadn’t been so lucky to walk away with only scars to remind them of days best forgotten or left in the world of nightmare. 

His lips quirked into a soft rather gentle smile at Bones’ comment and he tipped his head to watch Bones’ profile. “Mmm, you aren’t so bad yourself.” He grinned then before he rolled his head back, eyes focusing on the ceiling.

“Hmm,” Leo responded absently, the comment washing off his back like water off a duck’s. Jim was always full of such shit that Leo didn’t pay it much heed, he took it for what it was and loaded a hypo. “This’ll make you sleep for another couple hours to give the last of the neuroinhibitors to wear off and then you can go back to your quarters, nothing heavy duty for three days. Off duty for two.” 

The hypo was pressed gently against Jim’s neck, far more gently than normal and it hissed, depositing its contents into the younger Captain’s bloodstream.

****

“Permission to speak freely, Captain?” Lieutenant Nyota Uhura asked as she strode into the ready room, arms loosely folded and hair up, as always, in that immaculate ponytail that drew attention to the long and graceful length of her spine. After goodness only knew how many years, she was getting somewhat tired of these ridiculous games that the Captain and the Doctor kept playing with each other. She would have approached Dr McCoy about it, but in all honesty she felt she had a better chance of actually being heard by their dunder-headed Captain (and how fitting was it that she, who spoke close to thirty languages fluently, could only find ‘dunderhead’ as an appropriate insult for their dear Captain) than by the grumpy medic who refused to listen to sense even more than Jim did.

Jim’s eyebrow lifted as for a moment he had a flash of Spock in place of one Lieutenant Uhura. “I think you and that Vulcan have been spending too much time together,” he remarked around a mouthful of apple. But Jim, well, he welcomed the opinions of his crew, even if they weren’t the same as his or were in direct opposition to his own. Couldn’t be a good Captain if you didn’t take the advice of your crew under consideration.

“But, sure, go for it.”

Nyota rolled her eyes and dropped her more formal stance for a far more relaxed one. She crossed over, leaning her hip against the table, annoyed at the affection she held for the man. “I think you’re wasting a lot of time for nothing,” she started, meeting his eyes with hers. She’d rebuffed him all through the Academy and she’d been there the day that he’d become the Captain she’d always known he could be if he’d just stop, for once, being such an arrogant asshole.

It had taken her a long time to learn that that was pretty much all bravado. But irritatingly, he could back up his cockiness with smarts and skills that constantly surprised her. 

“And that you’re an idiot for not making a move sooner.”

And he was officially confused and it showed as much as his expression clouded with that particular emotion, eyes narrowing in the corners and head tilting. “Excuse me? I mean I know hanging out with Spock tends to rub off, but that was like beyond cryptic.”

He swallowed his mouthful of apple. “Seriously, Uhura, I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about.”

“Dr McCoy, Jim,” Nyota said bluntly, curling her hands around the edge of the desk. “You’re not as subtle as you think you are.”

Well fuck him sideways. 

Jim blinked slow before his eyes narrowed, pinning Uhura in place with a startling blue gaze that on his good days was as bright as the sun that orbited the Earth and on bad days like for example when he was getting beat up or suffering through his gruelling after effects of his medication could be as dark as the same night that had stolen people from him on Tarsus. 

“What about the Doctor?”

“Goddess give me strength,” Nyota breathed with an upward glance. Sometimes she missed being on the ground. Her exasperation would have been so much better received if she could have looked skyward and actually seen sky. She didn’t squirm being under that gaze, she was one of the few people who didn’t. She lifted her chin and met his look straight on. 

Absently, she thought that if she hadn’t had her sights set on Spock when they first met, if she and her xenolinguistics TA hadn’t been... dabbling, she may very well have taken Jim up on his offer. He’d been charming and handsome and she knew he had to be good at something to keep all those ladies coming back to him after he’d ditched them. But thankfully she hadn’t slept with him. She knew it’d be hard for her to respect him after something like that, and she wouldn’t be here, now, furthering mankind and taking part in making history. 

“What do you mean ‘what about the Doctor’?” she challenged, chin tilted up a little, exposing the long curve of her neck. “You know full well what I mean, Jim. Whether you’ve not made a move because you’re scared, I don’t know, but if I have to see you two doing the most ridiculous and awkward dance around each other for much longer, I think the whole command crew will be down in Dr Russell’s office for frustration-related insanity.”

It took Jim a moment to fully realise what exactly she was... not even implying, but rather just stating. Like it was fact instead of some make belief idea that he’d concocted in his head. He snorted at this point having gone off his apple and deciding that he would really rather not deal with this conversation so instead he rose to his feet, discarding the fruit in a nearby trash recycler. 

He thought about opening his mouth to protest but one look at Uhura told him that he couldn’t do that, not if that eyebrow lift was anything to go on. She really had been taking lessons from that Vulcan boyfriend of hers. Their relationship was against all fraternisation rules, but Jim, well he understood and appreciated their connection and hadn’t pulled rank. Not if it meant they were happy and it wasn’t like it stopped them from being two of the best Officers he had under his command.

Honestly he turned a blind eye to a lot of said relations on his ship, space was cold, black and just plain impersonal. Sometimes just sometimes you needed a hand to hold, a body to curl around and the warmth and understanding that accompanied a relationship. Not that he would know, he’d never let himself get involved with any of the people he slept with. If anything they were a means to end and he knew that was selfish and awful of him, but it was the truth. Letting people close meant letting them see all the horrible scars and nobody wanted that least of all Jim, not when it was important that people see him as James Tiberius Kirk, Captain of the USS-Enterprise, rather than Jimmy, the frightened little boy who hadn’t even been able to save his brother. 

Then there was... Bones.

Somehow the older man had slipped past all normal defences, stuck by Jim when most others had abandoned the long sinking ship, patched him up, put him together after and just been... there. If anything Bones was the closest thing Jim had to a partner even if they’d never actually done anything except fall asleep in the same bed because they were too drunk to move and the occasional touch here and there when neither of them were thinking. Bones was everything Jim was afraid of, the melting warmth in his voice, the calloused touch of his fingers and the fact he looked at Jim with those hazel eyes and it made him second guess everything he thought he knew about love.

Love, wow, scary word. 

Especially to Jim. 

Love to him wasn’t something beautiful. It was a dead father, absent mother, abusive uncle and a brother who hadn’t cared enough to stick around. It was also the very thing that could undo you in a second, strip away all the bullshit and just leave you open to all kinds of hurt. Worlds of it if you let it. Jim was utterly convinced he didn’t need, want and he most certainly did not deserve love. It was meant for better people than him, people like Uhura and even, Bones. Bones deserved more, especially after his ex-wife. 

“I don’t know what to say, Lieutenant.”

Nyota watched as a myriad of emotions played across the Captain’s face but she didn’t watch for too long, didn’t keep seeing show, feeling like this was something she shouldn’t be privy to, so she averted her eyes, waited for him to finish whatever he was thinking about before looking back at him again as he spoke once more.

“Like I said, Captain, you’re not as subtle as you think. Only those of us who see the two of you together often know. And we’ve not said anything to anyone else. But... Jim you can’t just-” she blew out a breath. “Just make a move, Jim. Cowardice isn’t something that suits you well. Nor is hesitance. You once told me that when you know what you want you go for it, remember that?” Her eyebrow lifted again in challenge before she pushed off from the table. 

He’d been subtle enough that Bones hadn’t noticed and wasn’t that the point? He hated when people threw his words back at him, especially when they didn’t really understand his trepidation. How could she? Uhura was the type of woman that people fell over to be with and if she wanted somebody then it was a damn certainty that the person would want her in return.

Jim, well, he’d always felt... you could say he felt replaceable, like if he took his eyes off the ball for longer than a minute then somebody else will have snuck in, filled up his spot and nobody would even bat an eyelash. Not that Uhura knew that because Jim fronted all too well or rather peacocked. 

“I’ll be sure to take your words under advisement.”

“Which means you’ll ignore them.” Nyota accurately assumed before she just shrugged. “If you and Len find yourselves trapped in one of the turbolifts, don’t ask me to save you. Scotty will have finally snapped in impatience.” Not to mention, he had a large amount of credits invested in this. 

She sighed. “Starfleet fraternisation rules are only relevant when there’s a difference in rank of more than two. Len’s a Lieutenant Commander, you’re a Captain. There’s only two ranks in that. So you wouldn’t be breaking any rules.” 

With a final look at Jim, Nyota admitted defeat - for now - before she headed towards the door. “You know, he would wait forever, Captain,” she said as a parting gift before she slid out of the ready room to leave the Captain to his thoughts.

****

And contrary to popular belief Jim was in possession of two ears that heard just fine and he was capable of listening, even if he didn’t much care for the truths being spoken. Sufficed to say he had been stewing on what Uhura had said to him, all the way from one side of space to another, the crew having noticed a more subdued side to the Captain.

Not that anybody said anything because subdued Captain meant no run ins with weird and wacky aliens nor death defying crazy stunts of well awesome in Jim’s book and sheer insanity in others and it also meant they didn’t spend half as much time poking their noses into things that the Prime Directive categorically stated they shouldn’t.

But it wasn’t until the next shore leave on Risa that semblance of the old Captain began to show its face, but only because he’d been working himself up to saying something to Bones about... well, stuff, and had his mind set only for his plans to be well and truly fucked by the sight of one Leonard McCoy being hit on by a twenty something year old blonde.

Jim bet he wasn’t carrying a ton of emotional and mental baggage in the same way as he was and didn’t he look too fucking comfortable all cozied up with Bones like he belonged there. Fucker. Jim’s eyes narrowed in the corners and his gaze turned dark and cloudy, the same look he got right before he went and pissed somebody off until they hit him.

Fighting made everything better because at least the pain of being smacked around momentarily curtailed the feeling of absolute devastation when he was damn certain he’d seen Bones smile. What the flying fuck?

Leo had been pestered by this kid all night, and whilst he wasn’t a kid - not really - he wasn’t the kind of person that Leo had wanted to spend the night and to be honest, he had just wanted a nice drink before heading back to the ship because the replicated alcohol didn’t taste the same, he wouldn’t subject his insides to the horrors that Mr Scott brewed in his ‘still in Engineering (because he valued his liver functions, thank you very much) and the bottle of scotch he had in his quarters was being kept for a desperate occasion. Or a triumphant one. One of the two. 

Then this kid had come over, all warm smiles and blue eyes and blond hair and Leo had entertained the thought, briefly, of letting the kid take him somewhere and he could indulge in a guilty pleasure to pretend that it was someone else pushing him up against the wall, but then Leo had never been the casual, one night stand kind of guy. He preferred courting and wooing and knowing someone intimately before taking the step to know them _intimately_. 

But Leo was old fashioned like that, and he was pretty much born at least two hundred years too late considering his old fashioned sensibilities didn’t really link in or mesh too well with the free-spirited, free-loving attitude to sex that everyone here had nowadays. He’d always been a switch-hitter, even back in college and med school before his brief but disastrous marriage to his high school sweetheart that collapsed in on itself like a black hole, sucking everything - all the light and the whole damn planet - into it. 

He’d been about to tell the guy to back off, leave him alone when his eyes had caught sight of Jim across the floor, something strange behind those blues - nothing like the guy in front of him, he realised, because really when faced with the reality, everything else was a poor substitute - that had Leo’s doctor senses tingling and he immediately excused himself to go and find his friend because whilst his doctor senses were tingling, his Jim senses were blaring, a fog horn louder than the music in the damned place and he just knew that Jim was about to do something really stupid. 

It took him too long to locate the kid he’d been unable to shake since he was forced into a seat on that death shuttle all those years ago. It seemed like forever. And his ears heard the sound of a scuffle, a fight, and he saw Jim go flying backwards even though Leo knew that Jim could easily handle the guy he was fighting. Why was he letting his ass get- Oh. Wait. Leo knew this one; he was punishing himself for something, right? Or was this because something hadn’t gone his way and pain and ass-kicking was the best way Jim had to deal with it? 

Either way, he stepped closer, moved between his bleeding Captain - his bleeding friend, his bleeding Jim - _his_ \- and the burlier man that Jim had been busy pissing off to the point where he lost his mind and started swinging with those ham-hock fists of his. 

“Whatever he did, he’s mighty sorry for it. Ain’t gonna do anyone much good if you keep smashin’ his face in.” And if his drawl was a little thicker and his Georgia was showing, well, he didn’t care, because he’d had a couple of drinks and it had been a long few days and now he’d have to haul Jim’s drunk ass back to the Enterprise to patch him up.

Jim’s ass thank you very much could more than look out for itself, drunk or not. Besides he could have taken big dumb and ugly down if he’d wanted to, but he hadn’t and that was the whole goddamn point now wasn’t it? Get seven shades of shit beaten out of himself and he’d soon stop thinking about how from his perspective he’d thought he’d seen a smile and how it made his blood boil.

“I’m not sorry,” he threw out as he turned his head and spat blood, tongue pressing against a cut on his lower lip and breathing all ragged from having spent the better part of fifteen or... twenty minutes of letting his face get tenderised like some prime bit of steak. 

Heh. 

And he was not focusing on the way Bones’ accent slipped, nope, not him. Especially as he hadn’t asked for his help, would have thought he’d be too busy getting hit on and making nice with Mister Perfect Pants back at the bar.

“He is sorry,” Leo corrected firmly, shooting a look back at Jim that was as much daggers as it was exasperation and _just agree with me this one time, kid_ because Leo didn’t want to have to ruin what could have been a good evening by having to perform reconstructive surgery on Jim’s face. “He’s real sorry for whatever he did and now we’ll be headin’ on our way.” 

He moved back a little, reached out for Jim, eyes half on the brute and half on his bleeding best friend because really, Jim? Really? Right now? 

“C’mon, Jim, let’s get outta here.”

Jim scowled at Bones before rolling his eyes as the Doctor tried to placate the brute in question, biggest guy in the entire bar, go figure. “M’fine,” he grumbled as he ignored the reaching gesture on the part of Bones, moving in the direction of the door as he nursed a rapidly swelling lip and cuts with bruises that would rival those of a seasoned fighter.

Well his plan had gone to hell all because Bones had gone and gotten involved. Damn him, no really, just damn him.

Leo rolled his eyes and thanked the brute for his understanding before his feet had him following Jim outside and into the humid warmth of the Risan evening. “Like hell you’re fine,” he grumbled as soon as they were outside. Long legs caught up with Jim quickly, hand catching his shoulder and turning the younger man so that the doctor could inspect the damage in the light of the hovering lamps that shone down, giving the whole area a too-white glow. 

“A lil’ early for pickin’ fights, don’t ya think?” he asked, catching Jim’s chin gently, tilting the captain’s head to one side to get a better look at the cut that was dribbling blood down the side of Jim’s face. “What’d you do to him anyway?” 

Jim jerked his head away from Bones’ questing touch, the same touch he was pretty sure could and would be his undoing if he let it. Uhura was right, he did feel something, but whatever that something was it was better left... shoved down and trampled on. Especially as well look at Bones and look at him, like he’d even consider it for a second let alone a lifetime. Shit, Jim could have strangled his internal monologue because yeah, even that seemed to have turned into a Kirk and Bones shipper. 

“I think my timing was perfect,” Jim muttered as he used the back of his sleeve to mop up the blood before he tongued at what he knew to be a gash on the inside of his mouth, especially if the iron on his teeth was anything to go on. “And I dunno, I sorta forgot by the fourth or fifth punch.”

Leo narrowed his eyes in the corners at the mention of ‘forgot’ but he knew Jim well enough to know that it wasn’t to be taken literally because Jim, despite everything, had a pretty damn hard head and so far, each time he’d woken up after being knocked unconscious, he’d remembered everything (thank God). “Quit yer bellyachin’,” Leo groused, catching Jims’ face with both of his hands so the younger man couldn’t flinch away, thumbs running along Jim’s cheekbones to check for fractures, touch confident and calm and doctorly, even if Leo could feel his heart hammering.

He needed more alcohol in his system if he was going to be torturing himself with images of that damned body bag being unzipped again.

“What’re you punchin’ to forget tonight?” he asked, drawing out the vowels in his words almost lazily as his touch slid along Jim’s jaw, questing touch skidding along the skin to check for breaks or tears. “I need to get you back to the Enterprise, Jim.”

“Ah Jesus,” Jim groused. “Seriously, Bones. M’fine.” Only he probably had a fractured cheek for his troubles, but pain was good. Reminded Jim that he was still very much alive and gave him something to process which he was all too familiar with. 

He rolled his eyes and just shrugged, baring blood covered teeth. “Just punching for the hell of it, Bones. S’not my fault if dumb ugly back there couldn’t accept an apology for what was a total accidental shoulder bump.”

“What happened to your company?” Jim asked, hating how sullen his voice sounded like some sort of spoilt child having to share its favourite toy. Only Bones wasn’t a toy. He was very much a person and yet Jim still thought of him as well, his.

“A totally accidental shoulder bump?” Leo challenged, “Jim, I saw you lookin’ for a fight earlier, I’m surprised it was just the one guy and you hadn’t goaded him into bringin’ his whole pack.” He shook his head and started searching his pockets - and goddamnit why did his civvies have so many damn pockets? He only needed two and maybe a third at the back for things that didn’t belong in the left and right ones - for his communicator to get a beam up back to the ship.

He paused in his search, however, at the petulant question and his eyebrows lifted higher, climbing impressively far up his forehead. What possible reason could Jim have for sounding like a jealous toddler the day after Christmas?

“What?” he asked, “What company?” 

“Don’t play dumb with me,” Jim muttered as he pulled away from Bones’ again. “The tall blonde at the bar who was trying to climb into your lap.” And man he fucking hated this, seriously. His skin was crawling, his pulse was erratic and everything in him screamed to _own_ and _possess_ but somehow - God only knew - he curbed that particular impulse. 

He wiped the back of his hand across his mouth and then waved said hand around. “I’ll swing in on the medical team here, no need to head back to the ship early. Wouldn’t want to ruin the fun.”

Ugh, he was never ever talking to Uhura after this. Not if he could help it that was. It was all her fault that he was stood here, acting like an infant. If she hadn’t said something then he never would have geared himself up like that only to have it fall flat on its face in front of him. 

“Seriously, Bones, go enjoy yourself. I’ll be okay. We won’t get shore leave for a while after here so go...” his voice trailed off and his hands made faint gestures.

Leo looked genuinely puzzled for a moment before he thought about the Jim-substitute he’d been politely declining the attentions of for the better part of the night and he just shook his head. “Ain’t happening, kid, not one for one night things, you know that. I leave that stuff to the people who are good at it.” The corner of his mouth twitched a little bit before he reached out again.

“Ain’t lettin’ anyone else get a look at you,” he said, possibly giving into his own slight possessive tendencies because he was Jim’s doctor, dammit and hell if he was trusting Jim’s care to someone else. Hell no. “We’ll go back to the Enterprise, and once I’ve patched you up, you can beam back down here to enjoy the rest of your evening. Don’t much think there’s a whole ton of girls here who get their rocks off on a guy with a bloody nose.”

Jim’s brow furrowed ever so slightly as he attempted to figure out if he should be insulted by that comment or not. He decided to forego obvious affront and simply filed it away, cataloguing it in the back of his mind for when he gave serious thought to telling Bones certain things. One night stands, yes, they were his thing, but he hadn’t had one of those in a long time now. Maybe because he’d been so focused on being a good Captain that the frivolous things seemed less important. He wasn’t about to let himself think it was anything else. 

“Right, whatever,” he said with a roll of his eyes. He unlike Bones knew exactly which pocket his communicator happened to be despite the fact some brute of a man had used his face as a punching bag. “Kirk to Enterprise.”

“Enterprise here, Captain.”

“Two to beam up.”

“Aye, Captain.” 

And just like that Bones and Kirk dematerialised and rematerialised within the humming bowels of the Starship Enterprise. 

Their feet touched the transporter pad and Leo was instantly ushering Jim away from the transporter room, ignoring the surprised and concerned looks on the faces of the Ensigns that were manning the transporter. He pretty much manhandled Jim all the way to the infirmary where he barked at people to leave them alone and engaged the privacy screen around one of the bio beds, shrugging off his jacket and draping it over the foot of the bed. 

“Sit.” He said, waiting for Jim to do so before he moved forward, easily standing between the younger man’s knees, dermal regenerator and tricorder suddenly somehow in his hands, the dermal sitting on the bed beside Jim’s thigh as his free hand gently lifted to tilt Jim’s head with a touch to his chin. 

He tutted, tongue behind his teeth as he slowly ran the tricorder over the side of Jim’s face, eyes on the readout. “So what did you do?” 

Jim protested all the way to the sickbay that he was fine and Bones needed to quit his fussing because really he was a big boy and he’d survived worst. Sure he had scars for his trouble, but still. 

And then Bones was insisting he sit so Jim did but did so with a roll of his eyes and a grousing but he soon tracked Bones’ movements rather intently, noting how the dermal regenerator and tricorder just seem to magically appear in his hands. How did he...?

But then he was insisting on paying attention to Jim’s injuries. “What do you mean?”

“To that guy to make him want to try an’ pound your ass into the pavement,” Leo said a little tightly as he checked the readings. Fractured rib, no internal bleeding - this time, thank God - several smaller ruptured veins in the chest area but nothing that wouldn’t just bruise. No hairline fractures to the facial structures, just damage to the surface skin but who knew what kind of dirty diseases that asshole had on his neanderthalic knuckles. 

He put down the tricorder once he was satisfied Jim wasn’t about to drop dead due to some hidden injury - he was lucky he had a hard skull, not even a concussion - and picked up the dermal, nudging Jim’s thighs apart with his so that he could get a little closer to start scanning. It was purely professional, but Leo never stood this close to his patients; he always had them lying down, never let them this close where he could be touched back if they just reached their hands up. 

“And don’t try tellin’ me you ain’t got a clue, ‘cause you an’ I both know that’s utter horse shit.” He wondered how badly his Georgian was showing. But Leo wasn’t about to think about that too much. 

Jim’s eyebrows lifted ever so slightly when Bones was suddenly between his thighs and honestly if it had been anybody else he would have let loose with something dirty, but he had more respect for Bones than that. Instead he shrugged his shoulders. “Like I said, he didn’t take too kindly to the fact I bumped into him. Purely accidental, but I don’t think he liked that the girl he was with laughed at him for it.”

He took to idly toying with the edge of Bones’ shirt because Jim never sat still even when he was supposed to, something always had to be happening or he felt weirdly trapped and that just didn’t do.

Glancing down at the way Jim’s hands were fiddling with his shirt, Leo just bit back on a sigh and rolled his eyes a little, tilting Jim’s head to where he wanted it so that he could start fixing up the skin. The dermal regenerator didn’t even make a sound as it worked. 

“Jim, only you would get into a fist fight with a complete stranger on a pleasure planet where the locals pretty much wanna do nothin’ but have sex with you an’ sell you useless crap you ain’t gonna need again later on down the line.” He tutted and felt like something was oddly out of place, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was, especially as he’d seen Jim exit the bar looking like he was spoiling for a fight when he hadn’t been when he walked in. But Leo knew when to pick his battles. Knew when to push and when to just wait it out. 

He figured this one was probably of the ‘wait it out’ type. He bit his lower lip as he watched the skin above Jim’s left eyebrow knit itself together. His free hand was holding Jim’s chin gently, thumb resting just underneath the bow of Jim’s lower lip.

“It’s all part of my charm,” Jim threw back easily with a lopsided grin with a twinkle in his eye even if he wasn’t actually feeling anything of what he was portraying, especially as he still couldn’t get the sight of Bones being pawed at by that tall blonde out of his mind. 

So here he was stuck staring at Bones until he decided he was done self abusing and diverted his gaze elsewhere, dropping his hands from Bones’ shirt and instead curling fingers around the bio bed.

“But we’re here for a little while longer so I’m gonna have to watch that.”

“Best not be upsettin’ the locals too much,” Leo drawled, finishing up on the eyebrow, moving to the line of Jim’s hair, touch instead pushing through the dirty blond strands to make sure they were out of the way and not knitted into the skin as it healed itself. 

Once he was done with the dermal, he replaced it on the bed. “Don’t move,” he ordered, moving away from the space between Jim’s legs (and dammit, he had the patience and self control of a goddamned saint) to grab a hypospray and load it with an antibiotic just to counter anything that might have been on that guy’s hands. Leo always kept the Enterprise well stocked with the unusual and less common medications for the ridiculous man-child Captain that he cared for (more than he would ever admit) and his ridiculous list of allergies. 

Leo had memorised them a month after they’d met, when he’d been in StarFleet Medical and seen Jim in a room, fitting because of a drug he’d been given and everyone looked confused. He’d roared in, bossed the senior medical staff about and saved Jim’s life. And he’d been one step behind the younger man ever since, making sure that he stayed that way. He gripped the edge of the table that was near him as he thought about warp cores and death and body bags and _failure- not fast enough, not smart enough, not good enough, not enough-_ and had to take in a deep breath to fight that irrational panic that always overwhelmed him that maybe next time he wouldn’t be enough. That there would be a next time and he wouldn’t be able to save him.

“This is just in case the bastard had dirty hands, Jim,” he said, having upgraded to telling Jim what he was jabbing him with when he was in a good mood instead of just jabbing him with it. “Tilt your head.”

Jim almost did move but then Bones was away ahead of him and all he could do was sit there, blowing out a breath and fidgeting. Of course Jim being Jim saw a lot of things people missed because he’d long ago learned to read every situation because for a majority of his life it had meant the difference between living or dying and so he noted Bones’ strange turn. It was almost on the edge of his tongue to ask but then Bones was back with hypospray in hand and Jim grimaced faintly. 

“Really? Do you have to?” And didn’t he just hate this part. But here he went, tilting his head and bracing himself for the inevitable pain.

“Don’t be such an infant, Jim,” Leo muttered, though his tone was equal parts amused and exasperated as he pressed the hypo against the graceful curve of Jim’s neck. Sometimes, when he was so tired he could barely think straight, he let himself think about kissing away the sting of the hypos he pressed against Jim’s neck. He swallowed, shook the thought away. He was more tired than he thought. 

He stepped back, rubbing his palms together before he pushed his hand through his hair, squeezed the back of his neck. 

“You’re good to go back down now, Jim,’ he said, biting the inside of his cheek, ignoring his urge to go back between those legs, give in to those goddamned urges he’d been fighting for years, now. Adelaide would laugh at him if she could see him now. God, he hated psychics too. “Just try not to be gettin’ into any more fights. No married or partnered ladies.” He paused, adding, “‘less they ask you to join them and their partner.”

Jim wet his lower lip as for one stupid moment he thought about pulling Bones close, lean up and catch those lips, see if he couldn’t put an actual real smile on the older man’s face. Thankfully good sense seemed to win out over impulse which for him was a rather big deal.

“I’ll be sure to remember that,” he managed as he jumped off the bed. “But I dunno, think I’m gonna catch up on some paperwork.” Jim shrugged his shoulders. “You on the other hand should head back down, have some fun for a change.” He reached out and clasped Bones’ shoulder in his hand. “Don’t make me order you, Bones.”

Leo rolled his eyes, “Make sure you get down to the planet tomorrow, then. Just to keep you from Captaining too much.” He could barely believe he was telling Jim to go down to the planet, practically telling him to go off and catch some strange STD from some exotic woman - or man, since Jim didn’t discriminate based on body parts - and come back up for treatment with a hickey and another sordid story that Leo definitely didn’t reminisce upon in the darkness and - rare (because Jim was always in there) - solitude in his own quarters. 

“And you can’t order me to leave the ship, kid, off duty an’ all.”

Jim shrugged his shoulders. “Not as your Captain, but as your friend, I seriously recommend you take some time to enjoy yourself.” He rubbed at the side of his neck before patting Bones’ shoulder for one last time before forcing himself to leave. Sure it was the sickbay and he hated the sickbay but wherever Bones was he felt... comfortable.

But yeah, Uhura, never ever listening to her again.

****

“What do you mean when you say, and I quote, ‘You need to come down to the planet because the Captain panicked and told the Xorn ambassador that he was in a committed relationship with his CMO’?” Leo asked. Adelaide - who was sat in his office - looked like she was about to laugh and Leo shot her a glare that was completely ineffectual. Chekov just lifted his shoulders.

“I do not know for sure, but ze transmission was quite clear. Ze Keptin needs you on ze planet so that you can stop him from having to wed ze Xornian ambassador’s daughter.”

Beside him, Adelaide snorted, her eyes were alight with mirth. This was ridiculous. Leo wanted to strangle her, and then Chekov, and then Kirk, because really, of all the people he could have panic-dated, why did it have to be him? 

“Is the Captain still on the comm?” he asked, and Chekov nodded. “Direct it to my office,” he ordered, folding his arms and waiting for Adelaide to leave.

“Oh, no, Leo,” she said, “I’m not missing _this_ conversation.”

“You are.” Leo groused, grabbing her by the arm and sort of frog-marching her out of his office, shutting the door as the comm in front of him flashed to life to reveal a sheepish Jim Kirk. 

He pressed his lips together. “So. You wanna tell me what damn fool thing was goin’ round your head when you told the ambassador that we’re a couple?”

“That I didn’t want to marry his daughter and by telling him that I am in a happily committed relationship with a man that it might somehow dissuade him from pursuing the matter and thus prevent what could be a rather uncomfortable dinner followed by what I’m sure will be a swift death?” Jim tried.

Honestly he’d totally panicked and said the first name that had come to mind and weirdly enough it had been Bones’ name. Really that should have told him something, but he was happily floating his way down the river called denial with not one oar to his name.

“C’mon, Bones. I panicked and I thought of the one person I would-” Ahh, no, not saying that. “I mean it wouldn’t be believable with anybody else. Can you see me and Spock as a couple? Or even me and Nyota?”

“Damn straight I can see you and Spock as a couple,” Leo groused, wanting to finish by adding ‘more’n I can see you and me’ but that would have been a total lie. In truth, Leo thought that there had to be a reason that Jim avoided relationships, be it a self-confidence issue or an issue related to his past, he didn’t know but he definitely had some ideas. Not that he spent a lot of time thinking about Jim or anything- aw hell, who was he kidding?

He rolled his eyes. “Ain’t like they’re gonna know any different if you’d just said a random name. I mean, why not Adelaide? You chased her for long enough at the Academy. Or... hell, Carol? There’s a lot of women here, and even more men.” He was only uncomfortable with this because playing pretend for the benefit of some ambassadors on some damn alien planet was a little too close to home for Leo who had been torturing himself with Jim for long enough that it would probably be too easy for him to forget that it wasn’t real. 

“So... I gotta beam down there?” he asked, “What ‘xactly did you tell them?”

“What? Me and Spock? That would never work.” Jim snorted. “I think he’d Vulcan mind whammy me before the first week was up. Either that or try and strangle me again.” 

He listened to Bones grousing and wondered if he was really going to have to think fast on his feet again, claim that they’d had a fight and broken up, meaning he was by far too heartbroken to even think about being with somebody else.

“Just that you and I are a real actual couple, having been together for years. That sorta thing. And I maybe kinda told them that we were hitched. I mean apparently on this planet being in a relationship doesn’t mean off limits unless you’re married so... we’re married, Bones.”

From outside the door, Leo could hear Adelaide’s distinctive peal of laughter at that. Apparently he’d forgotten to soundproof his office and he just shot a glare over his shoulder, knowing she’d sense it and walk off to dissect this conversation with him later. He hated psychics. Right now, he hated pretty much everyone because this farce would get around the ship eventually and everyone would know about this ridiculous pretense and Leo would be left at the end of it all aching and back to thinking ‘what if’ which was a damn nightmare in itself because he’d done it after his divorce and he’d been doing it pretty much every damn day since he met the kid and threw up on his shoes.

Well shit.

“Guess I’m comin’ down then. Anythin’ else I need to know ‘fore I visit?” 

“Umm...” Jim began. “Just that we’re gonna be staying the night and we’ll be rooming? Not like that’s a big deal or anything ‘cause we do that anyways but still just thought you should know.”

Leo actually laughed softly at that. “That’s not anythin’ new, kid,” he reassured. “I’ll be there in a few.” 

He cut the transmission after that, leaning against the table with both palms flat on the surface and he just breathed. When he left his office to walk to the transporter room, Gaila appeared as if out of nowhere and presented him with two rings that she’d seemingly knocked up. How she knew his ring size, he didn’t know and he was reluctant to put it on, he hadn’t worn anything on that finger since his relationship crashed and burned, but still, it slid into place perfectly, titanium - she said it was, spare parts, and he held Jim’s in his palm as he beamed down onto the surface with an overnight bag and some medical supplies.

Just in case.

He hated being transported anywhere because when he hit the ground, even though he hadn’t moved a muscle, he felt nauseated and dizzy and closed his eyes to just take a moment to pull his shit together. 

Jim to his credit hadn’t touched or eaten anything he’d been given because the last time his tongue had swollen to twice its size and trying to get it to go down had been a real nightmare so here he was trying to be good, saving Bones’ sanity or something like that.

And then he turned his head to watch Bones appear, falling into character easily enough. “Took you long enough,” he remarked warmly and affectionately as he closed the distance and gave Bones what could only be described as a very non friendly kiss. 

He wasn’t secretly getting a kick out of being able to do that without the subsequent confusion and potential for hurt, no, not at all. Idly he noted that Bones tasted an awful lot like coffee. 

“Good God, man,” Leo muttered against Jim’s lips when the kiss broke. Somehow his hands had found their way to Jim’s hips, curling there and keeping him close out of reflex. He had to remind himself that this wasn’t real. It would have to be his mantra. “You can’t have missed me that much.” In character, Leo, he told himself. “And you wouldn’t end up in these situations if you didn’t insist on takin’ this off every time you showered and then forgettin’ to put it back on.” He opened his palm to display the other ring. He hoped Gaila had gotten Jim’s size right too. He didn’t want to know how long it had taken for the news to reach him that he was married to the Captain if she’d been able to make rings. 

He wet his lower lip. Logically, he knew he couldn’t taste Jim, but damn if his mind wasn’t making it feel like he could. And he wanted to do that again, but this time in- He reigned in his thoughts. This wasn’t real. 

He could see the ambassador standing not too far behind, black eyes watching curiously. 

Jim’s attention hadn’t at any point narrowed to the exact pressure Bones’ oh so fucking talented hands were placing on the curve of his hips, but hell he was he trying to kid? It totally had. But he had to remind himself that this wasn’t real, it was all fake and Bones being the oh so patient man that he was as far as Jim Kirk went, was just playing along.

Wow, Bones had a ring for him and one of his own, the folks up on the Enterprise were really selling this, weren’t they? Not that he expected any less of them because they were his crew and all, but still. “Shit, of course,” Jim said with a shake of his head as he captured his ring and eased it onto his left ring finger. Huh, perfect fit, would you look at that. “I really need to get better at remembering stuff like that.” 

With an arm now around Bones’ waist Jim pulled the other man in close and brought him over to the Ambassador. “Ambassador Ta’ular, this is my partner, Leonard McCoy.”

Ta’ular lifted black eyes and regarded the older man before bowing his head respectfully. “My apologies, esteemed Leonard McCoy, had I known the Captain was already taken I would not have been so bold in my suggestions.”

“It’s alright,” Leo said, arm draped casually over Jim’s shoulder, silver wedding ring sitting on his finger as if it belonged there. He’d promised himself once that it wouldn’t happen again, that he’d never wear anything else on there but then again, despite enlisting in Starfleet, he’d also promised himself that he’d never actually go into space. And Jim had made him break that promise, what was one more? “He’s got a bad habit of forgettin’ he’s married when he’s busy doin’ his Captain-y things.” The tease was punctuated with an affectionate nudge to Jim’s temple with his nose followed by a kiss to the same spot. 

He lifted a shoulder. “No offence taken, Ambassador. Easy mistake to make.” 

Jim swallowed a little when Bones kissed his temple because weirdly enough it wasn’t so much the passionate kiss that stuck in his mind the most, but the soft gentle ones. But ugh, seriously, this was all make believe. He just needed to keep reminding himself of that. 

“Yeah, I don’t know how he puts up with me.” 

The Ambassador watched the two of them and simply gave a curt movement with his head. “I am glad that I have not caused offence. I look forward to knowing you, Leonard McCoy and I invite you to my world with open arms and warm generosity. I trust you will find your stay pleasant.”

Leo pressed his teeth together. He hated diplomacy, he didn’t have the patience or grace for it and ended up often causing offence just by being himself. He knew he’d need to keep it together, keep a clamp on his mouth ‘till tomorrow when they left to go back to the ship where he could drink today away. 

“I believe you were about to give us a tour, Ambassador,” one of the Away team said to take some of the attention away from how everyone seemed to be focused on the disturbingly comfortable display of affection between the CMO and the Captain. A few glances between them indicated that they would be discussing this amongst themselves later on, trying to work out when the Captain got married and who would have ended up taking who’s surname. 

Leo let out with a tiny groan, lips against Jim’s temple again as he muttered, “You owe me big for this, kid, the whole ship’s already buzzin’. Scuttlebutt’s gonna be insane when we get back.” 

Jim lifted his eyebrow at Bones’ grumblings and he chuckled softly. “I’ll be sure to repay the favour however I need to.” And then as the Ambassador turned, indicating that they follow him, Jim’s hand dropped to Bones’ and curled there, tugging the other man along with him.

“So, tour then.”

Even if half way through it Jim had started to drift off because honestly there were only so many buildings he could ooh and ahh over before his attention span started to suffer. But somehow he still managed to make the right noises and appropriate comments all because he had the gift of the gab.

Leo, on the other hand, was just being quiet and nodding whenever someone looked at him because there were so many more interesting things he could be doing than listening to someone drone on about the architecture of the buildings and how beautifully put together they were and how they were crafted by skilled artisans and the like. Leo’s appreciation of fine motor skills had nothing to do with putting one brick on top of another. He would have been impressed if a stallion had been broken or a spine had been repaired. Hell, even a masterpiece of art would impress him right now but not buildings. 

Christ, he was bored. 

He kept having to ignore the fact that they were holding hands, at that some point it had changed from clasping to their fingers being inextricably linked together and Leo never even walked with Joyce like that, not after their first few dates anyway. 

Another Xorn citizen approached towards the end of the tour and said something to the Ambassador who turned to look at them all. “We have laid out a feast, if you would all do the honour of joining us before you retreat back to your sleeping quarters for the evening. We wish to celebrate new friends and new alliances. Captain James, would this be amenable to you?”

Jim glanced at Bones, recalling a conversation about how you just didn’t eat food to be polite if you knew it was going to kill you, but gave a smile and nodded his head. “Yeah, of course. That would be great. I’m starving.”

A member of the Away team leaned over to the other. “Didn’t he nearly choke on his tongue the last time he ate something alien?”

“Uh, yeah,” the other crew member muttered. “But what else is he supposed to do?”

“He’ll be fine,” Leo said in a somewhat irritate fashion because at least this time he’d be there to make sure that if Jim did eat something that disagreed with him, he could give him something for it straight away. “Besides, I think Spock did a scan on the vegetation here. Mostly safe for human consumption.” 

The Ambassador looked pleased. “We will give you some time to change into more appropriate dinner attire and shall send someone to collect you soon. Please follow me to your sleeping quarters. Your belongings have already been placed in your rooms. My apologies, Leonard McCoy, but you have been carrying yours this entire time. I humbly apologise for not requesting someone collect your items to put them in the room with your husband’s.”

“Ain’t no problem,” Leo said, letting go of Jim’s hand to protectively grip the strap of his bag that was sitting on his shoulder. “Can carry it myself. No point in anyone takin’ it off me now when I’m goin’ the same place as it.” 

“Of course,” the Ambassador said with a further nod of his head. 

Jim nudged Bones in the side and then fell in step with the Ambassador, exchanging pleasantries as if he was talking to an old friend. Jim was a natural charmer, always had been, except in situations where he just rubbed people up the wrong way. Mostly he did that on the purpose, Cupcake and his friends aside. But that was all good now, they’d come round.

Thankfully the sleeping quarters weren’t very far at all and with an ushering gesture both Jim and Bones entered the room in question. “Woah,” Jim enthused as he took a look around. “They certainly don’t scrimp.” It was by far the biggest bedroom Jim had ever seen. Nothing like the shoebox he had once lived in at his uncle’s house. It wasn’t a literal shoebox but it might as well have been given the size of it and how he’d been all but forbidden from making it his because he and his deadbeat brother were only there because of their mother, didn’t mean they were welcome or wanted.

He meandered over to where his bag had been placed and crouched in front of it, unzipping to have a rummage for his civilian clothes.

“Ugh.” Leo grumbled, dumping his dufflebag down as the door was shut behind them. He wanted to start scanning the sheets to make sure there was definitely no bugs or life forms that could bite in the night, that the fabric wasn’t going to cause some kind of rash. He just wanted to go back to the ship and go to sleep in his own bed with a large nightcap because he’d need it to stop thinking about the press of Jim’s lips against his. 

He tugged on the collar of his medical blues and watched Jim for a moment, watching him crouched on the floor and feeling want crawling up his throat. He fiddled with the ring on his finger, twisting it around and wishing fervently that it didn’t feel so right there, against his skin, like slipping it on had been like sending it home to where the damn thing belonged. He wanted to hurl it off because he’d promised himself.

But then again, look where his famous promises had ended up. Left somewhere behind on terra. Left behind after one look in those blue eyes, those eyes he’d follow pretty much anywhere. 

“You’re an esteemed guest, Jim,” he pointed out, picking his bag up again and walking over to the bed, opening it. “Didn’t bring much; didn’t think I’d need it. Ain’t sure I got any clothes that’ll do for eatin’ dinner in.” He glanced up before unzipping the duffel, rifling around inside to find some civvies. 

Jim had rummaged out his civvies then turned his head in time to watch as Bones did much the same, taking a moment to more than admire the strong jaw the older man possessed and how his medical blues accentuated his broad shoulders and long arms. His attention of course seemed to pool at his hands as it always did because Jim had a real fascination with the Doctor’s hand. He’d had it from day one, from the moment they’d met to the exact point in time when Bones had first laid hands on him, touch rough but soothing all at the same time. It was difficult to describe, but Jim would catch himself staring at the weirdest of times. Like when Bones pinched his nose in sheer and utter frustration and how when he got going he’d move his hands in large gestures all the while unaware how he caught and held Jim’s attention.

“I’m sure whatever you’ve got will look great,” Jim offered with easy confidence before he peeled his command yellow off in favour of a v-necked t-shirt which was hurriedly tugged down over the expanse of scarring on his back.

Leo spotted the scarring, he always did. He’d seen it too many times and he recognised the brutality of the injuries from history lessons, old history lessons, and it angered him to think that someone had hurt Jim in that way, made him want to break his Hippocratic Oath and snap some femurs, wreak havoc like some kind of avenging angel. He had an idea of what had happened, from the notes on Jim’s medical file, from snippets of conversation and from his own research. But he’d never wanted to broach the subject, never felt the need because he had to trust that if Jim thought it necessary, then he’d be told. Jim would tell him (or at least confirm Leo’s suspicions). 

“I doubt that,” Leo muttered though he felt oddly warmed by the compliment, returning to searching for his clothes because he wasn’t going to torture himself by watching Jim dressing - undressing, redressing, any kind of dressing - because being married to the guy, being domestic, was already too much. He wanted to walk over there, stop the shirt from being settled properly with hands on hips and fingers exploring over scars, learning the path of Jim’s life, the roadmap of his history with his fingers and tongue, wanted to declare they couldn’t go to dinner because they were busy. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. Because this wasn’t real. 

He pulled out a t-shirt, yanked off his medical uniform shirt and the black one that he always wore underneath and focused on folding them neatly before tugging the black t-shirt on and pulling out a button-down that he slid on over that. 

Jim turned his head and stole a sly look at the good Doctor, teeth unconsciously slipping out to catch his lower lip as goddamn. He was definitely staring, couldn’t help himself, because yeah Bones was... how in the hell had that evil ex-wife let him go? Because yeah if Jim had Bones he never would have let go.

And then he realised he was staring and turned away, tossing his uniform shirt onto the bed before easing out of the Star Fleet issued pants in favour of his old reliable denim jeans which hugged every bit of him like a second skin. 

Boots, he’d packed boots, he knew he had.

If Leo had felt eyes on him, he hadn’t let on as he continued to look for his own jeans, worn and comfortable denim that ended up making him look a few years younger and more like the laid back country boy he was before the death of his father, before his ex wife ruined everything and stole the whole damn planet away from him, leaving him with no choice other than to go skyward, to seek somewhere where he’d be free of her. Where he’d never be tied down again to anyone.

But that had gone horribly wrong when James T Kirk had waltzed into his life. And he’d found himself tied down again through his own doing, his own misgivings and his own faults and whilst he wouldn’t change a thing, Leo was- well, Leo knew that all he was doing was hurting himself but that didn’t seem to change a damn thing.

Those jeans that Jim was pouring himself into didn’t leave a whole lot to the imagination and whilst Leo had seen him before in clothes that looked like they had been painted on, the fact that that kiss was still fresh in his mind made this experience different, somehow, heightened all those things Leo normally thought and multiplied them exponentially. He was asking for trouble, he just knew it, and all that would happen was a broken heart at the end of it all. It wasn’t even like he could just enjoy the ride. But he did allow himself a couple of moments to just look, appreciate the way the jeans hugged Jim’s ass and thighs, how the material strained as he crouched to look for his boots. 

And then he ripped his eyes away, sliding into his own and shucking the edge of his shirt up to do up the button and fly, his own boots on the floor so he sat on the edge of the bed to put his feet into them, fingers doing up the laces and allowing the methodical movements to keep his mind off the fact that Jim was less than six feet away from him already looking like sin, and he’d not had any alcohol in him yet. Leo wasn’t sure he could deal with drunk!octopus Jim whilst they were pretending to be married.

Jim raked his fingers through his dirty blonde hair and gave it a slight ruffling before straightening up now he had boots in hand, the same boots he soon tugged on and settled on the bed, lifting his foot to tighten and do up the laces. He could recall Sam teaching him how to do up laces because mom hadn’t been around and his uncle hadn’t cared enough to show him, the way Sam had looked at him like he was- And Jim stopped himself there because Sam had left, abandoned him and never even looked back. 

Story of Jim’s life, everybody left him eventually. 

“So,” he said as he got to his feet looking boyishly handsome. “Let’s do this, hubby of mine.”

Leo pressed his teeth together, whole body desperate to reach out and ruffle Jim’s hair further but he instead hooked his thumbs through the belt loops of his jeans, the press of skin against the cool leather that fastened them to his hips reminding him that he needed to just keep it together. 

“Give me strength, you’re enjoyin’ this way too much,” he drawled, heading to the door, knowing Jim would be right behind him.

****

The dinner went relatively well, considering. They’d been plied with food and wine and some kind of strange shot that made Leo’s whole skin tingle a little bit. He’d surreptitiously scanned all the food that had come their way to make sure that none of it was anything that would cause Jim’s body to swell up to twice its normal size, and the alcohol was, whilst a little stronger than most of the crew were used to, perfectly safe to drink and pretty much tasted alright.

But, as all things went with Jim Kirk, three quarters of the way through the evening, Leo’s attention was drawn to the fact that there was definitely something wrong with the Captain. He reached out and caught Jim’s chin with two fingers, spotting a flush on his cheeks and a slight glassiness behind his eyes, never mind that Jim had started the flopping on him (which didn’t normally happen until the pair of them had consumed their own body weight in alcohol). 

“Jim, you doin’ okay, darlin’?” The endearment slipped off his tongue like it was meant to be there, like it was natural for him to consider Jim in that way. Dammit- Leo. Not real. Not real. _Not real_

Jim was more than a little relieved when it turned out that the food wasn’t about to make his tongue swell or his skin break out in hives, especially as he was hungry. Really hungry. And so he’d indulged and drank the offered beverage even if he was starting to feel a little weird, drunk even. Which was impossible considering he hadn’t drunk that much and hell, Lieutenant Colton had drank more and he wasn’t drunk. He should be though considering he was a lightweight and if Jim was drunk then Colton should be as well.

Not that it stopped him from flopping all over Bones because Bones was... comfortable, safe, warm, and just good. Yep, good. It took Jim a moment to realise Bones was addressing him and rationally he knew it was all put on, but still, he got the warm fuzzies.

“Mmm,” he drawled. “M’fine.”

“‘Cept you ain’t,” Leo muttered, touch moving to cup Jim’s face because that was more intimate looking than a touch to the chin. His thumb smoothed over the slightly scarred skin underneath Jim’s eye, acne scars and old injuries that could have been fixed so much earlier in his life under his touch. “How much’ve you had to drink?”

“S’not that much,” Jim drawled, his accent thicker all thanks to the mixture of alien food and strange alien drinks. “M’pretty sure that Colton’s had way more than me, but he’s not drunk. Am I drunk?” He blinked his eyes which somehow seemed bigger and brighter. 

He’d be embarrassed later on with the ease of which he lolled into Bones’ touch.

“I think so, darlin’,” Leo murmured, thumb brushing over Jim’s cheek again, hand warm and supporting in the way that it just... stayed when Jim’s head lolled into his touch. He ignored the warm sensation in the pit of his stomach at the blatant trust that Jim had in him and he wondered what he’d done to deserve it considering all he’d done was stick around when most people would have thrown their hands up in the air and quit. 

Sometimes he thought that Jim had actively tried to make him just walk away, especially at the beginning at the Academy. But Leo was a stubborn bastard, and loyal to a fault. His marriage ending wasn’t his decision; he’d wanted to try and make it work even though by the end they hated each other. He’d made her a promise, a vow, and he kept his promises. Vows weren’t little things for him. And- God, he was glad it had ended but it still hurt, to know he wasn’t enough for her. Her words about how he cared more about his patients than her or anyone else still stung, even if it was true towards the end. 

“Are you feelin’ alright ‘sides from bein’ drunk?” he asked, concern thickening his accent in conjunction with the little alcohol he’d consumed, less than everyone else anyway because someone needed to be watching out for the crew. 

“Oh yeah,” Jim enthused with a nod of his head which in hindsight had been a really bad idea because it made the world swim in front of his eyes. “How m’I drunk, Bones? I mean I didn’t drink that much. I’ve been sensible an’-” He swallowed and took to lolling into Bones’ touch again. “‘Scuse me,” he mumbled as he planted hands on either side of the table and attempted to get to his feet, feeling an awful lot like if he sat there any longer then he would actually throw up. It was probably just the dizziness talking but he wasn’t about to take that risk.

“Leonard McCoy,” the Ambassador spoke. “Is your partner feeling alright?”

Leo’s eyes locked onto the Ambassador as soon as he spoke. “No, I ain’t so sure he is,” he said honestly, getting to his feet to support a swaying Jim Kirk, ducking swiftly under Jim’s arm to steady him. “If you’ll please excuse us, it’s possible he’s had a reaction to an item of food. I would like to take him back to our quarters to rest, if that would be acceptable.” 

The Ambassador nodded his head, looking concerned and perhaps a little murderous that someone may have served their distinguished guests food that could cause them illness. 

“Thanks.” Leo said with a deferential bow of his head (just because he hated politics didn’t mean he wasn’t good at saying the right thing when necessary to aliens), before his other hand was resting on Jim’s chest. “C’mon, darlin’, let’s get you outta here.” 

Jim really was quite unsteady on his feet which for him was really uncommon even when drunk because despite his intoxication he always managed to stay on his feet, an old reflex born of times when you needed to be alert and guarded at all times.

He leaned rather heavily on Bones then tipped his head, eyes fixating on the hand now currently resting on his chest. The strong capable hand that it was with those long tapered tips, calloused palms and sheer utter warmth that radiated from it. Seriously, how did he even do that? Stay so warm? Jim always felt cold, didn’t matter where he was, he just felt cold. Like his circulation system didn’t work right or something. It probably didn’t, a lot of him didn’t after all.

Now he slumped to the point where his face was pressed against Bones’ neck and his breathing escaped over the other man’s skin.

Leo noticed how unsteady Jim was and just drew the younger man tighter to him, easing him out of the dining area aware of all the eyes on them and waiting until the door had shut before he let Jim slump fully. He needed to have at least helped Jim keep some pretense of keeping his shit together in front of his crew and alien strangers, but as soon as they were alone, he felt the breath against his neck and couldn’t help the shiver that ran down the length of his spine at the warm breath that skittered over his skin. Damn.

He swallowed, throat working against his better judgement as the hand on Jim’s chest flexed a little. “C’mon, kid, don’t make me pick you up.” It was muttered, a threat similar to the ones Leo made when Jim was being annoying and he only half meant it, but he would have to scoop Jim up off his feet if he wasn’t careful. 

They slowly made their way down the winding corridor and towards their room. “You still with me, Jimmy?”

“Pick me up,” Jim repeated before giving a small little laugh which was followed by a snort. “That would be a sight.” He wet his lower lip and blinked his eyes again in the hope it might stop the world from spinning, only it didn’t and he made a faint sound of protest against Bones’ neck. The same neck he might add was warm, smelt good and he was pretty sure if he tasted with his tongue would also taste good. Not that he did that or anything, no, that was a total accident as his lips moved. 

Heh.

“Still with you,” he remarked with a nod of his head.

“Jesus,” Leo muttered as their progress towards their bedroom was too slow for his liking and he stopped them moving, biting back on a sigh when Jim’s lips moved against his neck, deftly sweeping Jim off his feet like a newlywed (he never did carry Jocelyn over the threshold) and holding him close against his chest. “You’ve never been so drunk I’ve hadta carry you before,” he drawled, equal parts amused and concerned because really, this shouldn’t have happened; Jim shouldn’t be in a position where he was almost paralytically drunk after a little bit of wine and some kind of shot that had tasted like absinthe. 

He adjusted his grip on Jim, one hand under the knee, the other behind his back and hurried towards their room, suddenly glad for all the time he put in at the gym to keep himself in good shape, to keep himself strong enough that he could give a good go at carrying anyone. Holding Jim like this was damn awkward, though, because it was like the kid’s limbs were made of water and whilst he wasn’t heavy, he also wasn’t exactly _light_ either. 

“Shame you can’t see it, it’s definitely a sight,” he teased, though he was focused mostly on making sure he got Jim back in one piece.

Knowing Jim’s luck it was probably some sort of allergic reaction to the food because he was unlucky like that, stupid Tarsus, stupid childhood. And the world tipped ever so slightly when Bones scooped him up and Jim murmured something against the side of Bones’ neck which even he didn’t know what he’d said, probably a good thing considering he was drunk and words tended to be freer right about now.

“Mmm,” he hummed. “Wish I coulda seen it, Bones.”

“Maybe next time, Jim,” Leo muttered, turning his head to press a light kiss to Jim’s forehead. He’d never seen the kid this drunk, even after half a pitcher of Romulan ale, but that time they were both so out of it they couldn’t see straight. It hadn’t mattered that time; they’d been in the safety of Leo’s room at the Academy then, third year (and somehow he’d been given a room with a double bed, normally reserved for married cadets - when he’d asked Jim if he’d had anything to do with it, Jim had just lifted his head off the bed and asked sleepily if he wanted him to give it back. It had warmed him then to know Jim had hacked records to get him in a room which had a big enough bed for them to share), no one to see them, no one to judge and no danger of a diplomatic incident. 

When they reached the room, he gently put Jim down to open the door and nudge the younger man inside. He could feel the wedding ring - the fake wedding ring - on his finger burning against his skin though he knew that was just in his imagination.

“C’mon, kid,” he breathed, glad for the space because Jim’s lips had been moving against his throat as he’d been walking and damn if that hadn’t been a distraction.

Jim sagged quite considerably as Bones put him down but he blinked his eyes slowly and blearily before sure enough he was being nudged into the room. He stumbled and staggered but didn’t fall down, would you look at that! Go him! Jim would have given some sort of congratulatory sound, but as it was he thought he might lose his dinner if he did that so he didn’t.

“Home sweet home,” Jim remarked as he flung his arms outwards and spun on his heel only for him to crash into a nearby table at which point he let loose with a ragged laugh, eyes widening. “Whoops, that was totally my bad. ‘Sides that table just sorta came out of nowhere.”

Leo suppressed the smile that wanted to creep onto his lips, though his eyes did crease in the corners with the expression and he moved forward, nudging the door shut with his foot. “Use your eyes, Jim, let’s get you into the bed, hmm?” He moved forward again, warm hand at the base of Jim’s back just above the waistband of his jeans. 

He chuckled, other hand at the back of Jim’s neck as he stood in front of the younger man offering a sense of stability in an undoubtedly swimming world. “This way.”

“Mm, good thinking,” Jim enthused with an agreeing nod. “Eyes, I have them. Should use them.” He wet his lower lip and cleared his throat, hating how he couldn’t seem to see straight. This was not like him at all, no, he could totally handle his alcohol. But then Bones’ hands were on him and Jim felt like he was even more intoxicated than he had been a second earlier.

“Which way?”

“This way,” Leo repeated with another soft chuckle, low and whiskey-rough as that smile crept onto his lips unbidden anyway, affectionate and burning and Leo caught himself and looked down at the ground then over his shoulder as he gently steered Jim towards the bed, walking backwards to make sure that he could keep an eye on the younger man. 

When they reached the bed, Leo’s knees knocked into the fluffy mattress and he let go with one hand to steady himself before his fingers carded through Jim’s hair. 

“Sit.” 

Jim really wasn’t like compliant with anybody else with the exception of Bones, especially when he was drunk. He trusted that the other man wouldn’t hurt him and did things in his best interests, but he knew all too well the risks of trusting and yet there he went trusting people. Glutton for punishment. 

He tipped his head back into Bones’ hand as it moved through his hair and he made a soft sound before he looked up at Bones through his lashes. “Difficult considering you’re in my way.”

Leo chuckled again and stepped to one side. “Sit,” he repeated quietly, this time the bed was in plain view for the younger man to sit down. He ignored the soft sound that had escaped Jim’s lips at the movement of fingers through his hair, but wasn’t enough of a saint to not repeat the action. 

Jim rolled his eyes and moved in the direction of the bed, sagging down onto the mattress before he reached for his boots, trying to unlace and kick them off. “Still dunno how m’this drunk,” he mumbled with a shake of his head. “M’not a lightweight.” 

There was no way he was getting out of his jeans whilst drunk, especially as they’d taken a fully sober Jim to get on in the first place.

Leo shook his head, crouching down and gently taking those boots off his feet, stripping off the socks and putting them in the empty shoes placing them off to one side. He gently squeezed Jim’s ankles before he let his touch move up to the waistband, dextrous fingers undoing the belt and fastenings of the jeans. 

“Now I’ve done the tricky bit,” he muttered, his voice just on the edge of rough because Goddamn if he hadn’t imagined doing this a hundred times. Though each time Jim had been sober, or they’d both been drunk. “Think you can get th’ rest off yourself?” 

Jim’s attention became rather focused for a split moment as he saw Bones’ hands on his belt and fastening of the jeans, recalling the amount of times he had envisioned this exact scenario many a dark night alone in his quarters with only his right hand for company.

Not that Bones needed to know that.

“Mmm, I’ll give it a shot.” His hands lifted to catch a hold of his jeans, fingers curling in the waistband before he did a movement with his hips that should have been considered illegal in all the Federation states and had more than satisfied his sexual partners in the past.

The jeans were slipped down and caught on Jim’s ankles before the surprisingly flexible young Captain twisted to yank them off before he discarded them oh so casually, snapping the waistband of his snug dark boxer briefs back into place on his hip.

Leo moved backwards as Jim twisted his hips, the movement of those jeans dragging his underwear down too and he had to avert his eyes so as not to look at things he shouldn’t be seeing, things he’d only seen when Jim was being infuriating and using up the water in his quarters because he’d ended up using all of his own when they were in the Academy. Now that he had Captain's rations, Leo’s shower was woefully unused as he tended to only take water showers when he really needed one.

He wet his lower lip, rubbing his palms across his thighs, hooking the jeans with a foot and lifting them, folding them and draping them over a nearby piece of furniture. 

“Well done. C’mere,” he muttered, moving back over and curling his hands around the lower hem of the dark t-shirt that was hugging Jim’s chest. Carefully and with more care than he was going to admit to anyone - even himself, when this was all over - he peeled the shirt upwards. “Lift your arms, Jim.” He hated how raw his voice sounded, able to see the ripple of muscles and in both thighs and chest. If Jim turned around, he’d be able to see the lattice of scars that covered the younger man’s skin. 

Jim blinked and then did as he was asked, lifting his arms so Bones could remove the t-shirt before sure enough his hair came away all ruffled and he looked as though he’d been newly fucked including flushed cheeks and blue eyes bright and intense. 

He caught his lower lip in his teeth and pushed out a breath as he sat there half naked with the hint of a scar on his right hip from where the worst of them on his back curled around. 

Jim being Jim whilst drunk got handsy and this showed in how he reached out to hook his fingers in the belt loops of Bones’ jeans, tugging him closer until Jim pressed his face against the other man’s stomach.

“Mmm, m’so drunk,” he mumbled with a chuckle.

Leo tipped his head backwards in a silent plea for strength when he found himself between Jim’s thighs again, but this time the kid wasn’t dressed, he was mostly naked for God’s sake, and there were fingers in his belt loops and even though he had fabric between his chest and Jim’s mouth, for the way his whole body shuddered and flushed with heat there might as well have been nothing at all.

“I know, kid,” he breathed, fighting the urge to lean down and make that just-fucked look a reality. Jim was indecent, just by smiling at someone he was indecent, and right now all big blue eyes and hair that was begging for fingers to ruffle through it, Leo was almost painfully aware of how much he wanted Jim. How much he wanted _this_. How much he’d always wanted this ever since he’d look at that damn fool on the shuttle, all bloody and smelling of leather, motor oil and like backwater bar had been poured over him. 

Aw, hell, what harm could it do?” He pushed his fingers through Jim’s hair, tilting the younger’s head back a little, away from where it was pressed against his stomach, away from where that mouth was sending his brain to the damn gutter.

And Jim went right with his encouraging fingers, eyes fluttering as he hummed under his breath because it felt good, really good. Truthfully Jim was an absolute sucker for physical contact, he needed and craved it. Sometimes he sought it out in the worst ways, but he still looked for it as if he’d been starved of it as a child. 

“Didn’t make an ass outta myself, right?” He wet his lower lip and lifted his eyes to regard Bones.

“Nah,” Leo muttered, fingers carding through the strands again, allowing himself at least that little contact. He could feel the way that the ring rolled against his skin as his hand moved through the hair. God, he wished this was real. “Nah, we left ‘fore that could happen, darlin’.” 

He drew away gently, needing that distance to pull his own self together, moving around to Jim’s side of the bed and peeling back the covers. “Best sleep this off, Jim. I think you’ve just had a reaction to the alcohol and the food. Don’t think it’s anythin’ to worry about. Just gotta rest.” 

Jim made a faint sound of protest when Bones pulled away because he didn’t understand why the other man had stopped, especially as it felt good. Maybe too good. He twisted his fingers in Bones’ belt-loops before he dragged his fingers free, nodding his head.

“Mmm, probably right.” 

He turned and planted his hands on the bed before crawling to his side of the bed slowly and surely, muscles flexing beneath the large amount of scar tissue on his back from what could only be described as painful raw and badly healed wounds. 

“S’why I listen to you,” Jim admitted as he collapsed onto a pillow. 

“I know, Jim,” Leo murmured, hand brushing down the scar tissue he could see on Jim’s back, calloused touch moving from the nape of his neck to the lower curve of his spine before he pulled the covers over the younger man. He ignored the way that Jim was just... indecent even when he was sleepy crawling to the head of the bed to just flop there and go to sleep.

He was so screwed. 

His hand moved through Jim’s hair again before he mimicked the movement with his own strands, scratching the base of his skull and comming the away team to let them know Jim was okay and that he just needed to sleep it off. 

He stripped out of his jeans and shrugged the button-down off, but kept on the t-shirt. He slid into his sleeping trousers (because unlike Jim, he slept in clothes because he was more likely to be bothered in the middle of the night by a medical emergency) and crawled into the bed on his own side. He swallowed and lay on his back, looking at the ceiling and absently twisting the titanium ring round and around on his finger, wondering what in the holy hell he’d managed to get himself into. He felt like he was over his head.

****

_“Doctor Mc-... s the Ent... Ca... can you read us?”_

“Dammit, Spock-” Leo smacked the communicator like it would make the damn thing work. “Spock do you read me? Enterprise, come in.”

_“...unable to... electromagnetic interf-... unable to use the transporter- Atmosphere... a... shuttlecraft would be unwise.”_

“Enterprise? Enterprise, come in.” Leo growled and tossed the communicator onto the table, frustrated and desperate to get off this planet and back to the safety of his ship and his medical crew. He found himself absently playing with his ring, finding it weirdly comforting. “Why aren’t they answering?” he asked the nearby Xornian native.

“Where you not warned, Leonard McCoy?” She asked, green eyes roaming between the assembled group. “The storm will interfere with your transporter and communicator capabilities. And your Science Officer said that our atmosphere would do damage to your shuttles. Come, we will continue to shelter you, Captain James, and your team, until the storm has passed.”

As they were lead back to the main belly of the city, Leo had a lingering feeling that this was going to horribly wrong.

“And if I might be so bold as to ask the question everyone’s thinkin’ but no one’s sayin’, how long do these storms last?” 

“Anything from two of your Terran days to one of your Terran months.” she said, turning on her heel and continue to walk forward. Leo stopped where he was as the rest of the group walked on.

“A _month_?! We could be stuck down here for a whole good goddamned month?!” 

Oh.. crap. 

Jim probably should have read the twenty plus page report that Spock had compiled for him on this planet, but he was just so dull on paper that Jim hadn’t bothered. Mostly because he figured it was a safe planet so what would the harm to go in blind. 

“A month?” He repeated, blue eyes sliding in Bones’ direction. “That’s just the worst case scenario, right?”

“Yes, Captain James.”

He turned to look at Bones. “See, worst case scenario. It doesn’t mean we’ll be down here for a full month. It’ll be a couple days then we’ll be back on the ship.” He reached out to pat the other man’s arm. “Deep breaths, sugar. It’ll be alright.”

“Don’t you deep breaths sugar me,” Leo growled because he hated - _hated_ \- being pandered to as much as he hated alien planets and alien food and aliens in general and Goddamnit he was in the wrong job and as soon as they got back to the ship he was requesting an immediate transfer to Starfleet Medical where he could have his feet on the ground and not be surrounded by ridiculous blond haired Captains that drove him crazy. 

He wet his lower lip, adding a moment or so later, “Jim, we can’t be- Jim we cannot be stuck here for a month. Worst case scenario my ass, it’s always worst case scenario with you.”

Ahead of them, the group had continued on but had stopped just out of earshot, heads turned to watch the conversation they couldn’t hear.

“Hey!” Jim said as he took affront. “It isn’t always worst case scenario.” It just so happened that it was mostly worst case scenario. “We’ll be fine, Bones. I mean there are worst places we could be stuck. Like New Vulcan for instance.”

“At least on New Vulcan you’re not allergic to the damned food,” Leo said with pure exasperation. It was born of concern; they couldn’t keep making sure that he wouldn’t blow up like a balloon at the slightest provocation. He pressed his teeth together, feeling the tension crawling up his jaw and into his temples, the beginnings of a headache sharp and embedding itself in his mind. “And it’s always worse case scenarios with you, Jim. Always. Don’t tell me it isn’t, you ain’t never come back from an away mission without endin’ up havin’ to pass through my infirmary first. Dammit, it’s like you enjoy wavin’ the red flag in front of the ragin’ bull but don’t have the smarts to step outta the way when it charges.”

He scrubbed his hands over his face and went back to fiddling with that ring, the one that he kept seeing on Jim’s hand too, on the matching finger. 

“What would you rather I do?” Jim challenged. “Let that bull rip its way through some poor unfortunate kid under my command?” That was how it all boiled down really, Jim put himself in harms way so nobody else had to do. He wasn’t losing anybody else, not on his watch, not the same way he had on Tarsus. Not now and ever.

He could see that Bones was working himself up into a headache and without thinking he closed his hands on either side of his friend’s neck, digging the tips of his fingers into the muscles he knew were being wound up as Bones’ mood did much the same.

“Hey, Bones, it’s gonna be okay. We’re going to get back to the ship sooner than you know.”

“Jim, you-” Leo’s eyes closed briefly at the pressure of those fingers digging into his muscles. He lifted his hands, curled his fingers around Jim’s wrists. “Your crew need you as Captain. You can’t go sacrificin’ yourself on the altar of each damn planet you end up on to save a member of your crew who’d happily lay their lives down for you.” He shook his head, that muscle in his jaw ticking. 

He pressed his lips together. “No, Jim, it’s not gonna be okay. We’re stuck down here and if I run out of medical supplies, ain’t nothin’ on this planet’s gonna be able to treat you. Or Sanders.” He shook his head, also half expecting that Jim would forget that they were pretending to be a couple and would end up flirting with someone and already even after only a day it felt too real to Leo, it hurt too much knowing that this was all pretend.

“Just because they’re happy to doesn’t mean that they should,” Jim said with a shake of his head. He’d had that happen before, too many people had laid down their lives for him, and Jim wasn’t ever going to let that happen again. Not as long as he was alive and breathing. 

He shook his head. “Then you’ll work with the stuff they have down here, Bones. You’re a fucking medical genius.” And his fingers continued to press in before turning in circles to try and offset some of the pain.

“Doesn’t mean you should either,” Leo growled, “because a ship needs a Captain and as capable as that green blooded hobgoblin is, he ain’t you and the crew wouldn’t follow him into the bowels of hell itself. But they’d follow you. I’d follow you. Hell, I followed you into space but that doesn’t meant you get to play fast and loose with your life the way you have been.”

He couldn’t keep patching Jim up before he broke. He couldn’t keep doing it.

“And goddamnit, will you stop that, I’m trying to be mad at you.” His head lolled into the touch slightly, eyes half closing and lids fluttering. 

“Stop what?” Jim asked oh so innocently before he pressed his fingers in a little more, catching on a few troublesome knots. “Look, we’ll get back to the Enterprise, Bones. It’ll work out.”

He lifted his thumbs and pressed them against Bones’ temples, rotating them in slow methodical circles.

“Stop it, Jim,” Leo groused, trying to pull back from the touch because he could feel his anger ebbing out of him like someone had pulled the plug out. “Quit tryna distract me with this.” 

“Look,” Jim said as he stilled his movements for a moment. “Let’s go back to the room, sit down and think about this for a bit. Take a leaf out of Spock’s book and not jump to the worst conclusion.”

He offered a boyish smile. “And if you’re still angry then you can yell at me as much as you want after that.”

Leo pulled back a little, realised that his gesticulations might have been considered rude and that he might have looked petulant. He sighed, “Fine. But I reserve the right to yell at you a lot.” He wet his lower lip, left hand catching the back of Jim’s neck, cool ring pressing against his skin as he pulled Jim closer, pressing their lips together in a sign that they were alright to any onlookers (he knew there were onlookers), fingers flexing gently at the base of Jim’s neck, fingers in the shorter hair. 

Jim was a little disturbed at how distinctly branded he felt by the press of that ring on Bones’ finger, but decided to ignore that in favour of the fact Bones was kissing him. And sure it was all make believe and play pretend but he might as well enjoy this whilst it lasted, tightening his hands around the back of Bones’ neck and tangling his fingers in the short dark strands at the base of the other man’s skull before simply returning the kiss. 

See folks all good in the McCoy and Kirk camp.

Leo let out a soft sound against Jim’s mouth when he kissed back, his other hand dropping by rote to Jim’s hip, tugging him a bit closer so their bodies were flush together though he realised that he might be getting a little bit carried away as the kiss deepened. 

He broke it before either of them could get too lost in it, before his body responded in ways it really shouldn’t do. Not when this wasn’t real. 

“I’m still gonna shout at you,” he muttered against Jim’s lips before drawing away completely, grabbing the useless communicator and walking away, expecting - knowing beyond all doubt - that Jim would be right behind him.

And right behind him Jim was, offering some apologies and remarking on how they needed some time alone. Thankfully the aliens seemed to understand and Jim was able to pursue Bones without bother. 

He unconsciously tongued at his lower lip, shaking his head as he could still taste Bones right there. Jesus. C’mon, Jim, think straight. Or something like that.

And as Bones vanished into the room Jim did much the same and guided the older man to a nearby chair. “Sit, I know a headache when I see one.”

Leo was resistant, but then he did as he was told, feeling too tired and annoyed at the universe in general for him ending up in this position to argue. He dropped into the chair, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees as he put his head in his hands. 

“This is ridiculous, Jim,” he said finally. He had reports to file, inoculations to schedule and the whole crew needed their physical in a couple of weeks and he had to start planning for that as well. “Stuck here for a month.”

Jim rounded on the chair and wound up stood behind it before he drew Bones backwards by placing his hands on the other man’s shoulders before sure enough his fingers disappeared into Bones’ hair, pressing down quite firmly and working the tips in slow methodical circle. “I know, Bones.” Hell, he had a lot of work to do himself and a month stuck planetside was seriously going to hinder getting that done, but he wasn’t going to sweat the small details. Life was far too short for that. “M’Benga will take care of things in your absence and when you’re back on the ship you can take back control.” 

Jim caught his lower lip and pressed his hands on further, the ring occasionally dragging over Bones’ scalp.

Leo’s shoulders tensed when he was drawn backwards. His ex wife had never done this for him when he’d had a headache. The first time Jim had done it for him was in their first year at the Academy, he’d let himself into Leo’s room and sat behind him on the couch, buried his fingers in Leo’s hair and massaged his pain away. 

His eyes closed and he let out a breath that was notably shaky. He twisted the ring around on his finger with his thumb, fiddling with the band and trying to resist the urge to leave because sod it, he wasn’t allowed to have this. This wasn’t his to have and Jim doing this now just- it just hammered home that Leo could never have this. This wasn’t for him, Jim deserved someone younger and brighter with that same love of travel and the desire to see the stars, not someone bitter and twisted and only in space because he had nothing left on terra and because he was following some bright-eyed idiot to infinity and beyond.

“Mm,” he drawled, accent thick and voice low and gravelly. “S’pose so, ain’t enough to make me feel any better’n I did ten minutes ago, though. Don’ like people messin’ round in my infirmary.” God, he lolled his head into the touch like a kitten. He let out a sound, when Jim’s thumb pressed on a particularly sensitive knot, that probably bordered on indecent. His hands flexed against his thighs.

Jim’s eyebrow lifted when Bones made that particular sound and he ignored the way it shot heat to a certain part of his body which really didn’t need much more stirring because the kiss had already done a number on him. “I know,” he murmured with a nod of his head as his hands persisted, strong steady and ever present as they sought out the knots and worked them to the point of release. “You’re a control freak and that’s one of the reasons I love ya.” 

He bared his teeth in a grin and cleared his throat, pressing fingertips over temples then stroking them back through until they pressed against the suboccipitals as he knew Bones carried a lot of tension there.

Leo tipped his head forwards when those fingers pressed into the tendons and ligaments that made up the muscle group at the base of his skull where his tension was carried. He groaned again, squeezing his eyes shut because the reaction his body was having to Jim’s touch was the opposite to what should have been happening. Yes, it was easing his headache, but he knew that his breathing was hitching, speeding up along with the hammering of his pulse. He felt like his pupils - if he allowed his eyes to open - would be dilated, he felt hyper aware and hypersensitive to the surroundings, to each point that Jim was touching him.

And flippant as it was, when he’d said that over and over when he was drunk, the ‘I love ya’ had Leo’s whole body wanting to surge forwards, to draw Jim over until the younger man was straddling his lap so he could kiss the living daylights out of him, strip him and worship with his _tongueslipsteethhands_ the skin he’d looked at so often but only ever touched when it was bleeding and hurt and dying. 

“Bein’ a control freak ain’t- ngh - a reason to love someone, kid,” he drawled, shifting a little uncomfortably in the seat because he shouldn’t be feeling the way he was right now, his body’s reaction to Jim’s touch was irritating him because fuck if he didn’t want this so badly. 

Jim was mostly focused on helping ease Bones’ headache but honestly the sounds he was making were getting beyond distracting and he was only human for God’s sake. Also? He hadn’t had sex in a really long time. For reasons or rather reason he would really rather not talk about, but well, the reason in question just so happened to be sat in this chair with his head in his hands.

Scary stuff, it really was. 

“No?” He asked, smoothing the expanse of his palms over Bones’ head as he pressed and attempted to soothe away those annoying pains he knew troubled Bones more often than they should. 

Honestly he was mostly thinking about how if he leaned down he’d be able to latch his teeth around the edge of Bones’ jaw, curl his tongue there and leave mark, a sign that this Doctor was his and his alone.

“No,” Leo echoed roughly. That’s what his ex wife had always told him anyway, he was too much of a control freak, didn’t trust her to ever take the reigns, worked too hard, didn’t think about anyone outside of his patients. He wet his lower lip, pulled it between his teeth and he knew it was only the phantom memories of the kiss that had him tasting Jim on the edge of his tongue but damn, he wanted to do that again, knew if he told Jim to, he’d come around and sit on his lap and let Leo do all the dirty things that his mind replayed over and over and over again. 

Jim needed to stop touching him, really. Because Leo was feeling relaxed and tired yet he was aching to pull Jim closer and kiss him again, tongues and teeth and marking and biting and claiming. His fingers flexed on his thighs again, shifting minutely as he tried to calm himself down. He could do this; he went through med school and the Academy with minimal sex. 

“It really ain’t.” Did he sound as strung out as he thought he did?

“I dunno,” Jim said with a shrug. “I kinda like it.” And Bones was the only person he trusted to take the reins away from him, completely and totally. “I fucking love how passionate you get about your patients and your sickbay.” He was rambling he realised but he blamed the fact he had his hands in Bones’ hair and the man was making sounds which were causing Jim’s words to wander away from safe territory.

Jim caught his lower lip and swallowed hard, fingers flexing restlessly before he smoothed an expanse of his palm down the length of Bones’ neck before his gaze fixated on Bones’ pulsepoint. He didn’t doubt that the heartbeat would be strong and sure under, nothing like his, under his mouth. 

He should probably stop touching Bones before he just gave into his urges, the same ones he’d been fighting for longer than he could quite rightly recall.

Leo grumbled under his breath but tipped his head backwards, shoulders dropping into the touch, opening his eyes only to look up and see Jim looking down at him, all intense and unguarded and he lifted his head to look away before his own gaze gave something away. Before his own gaze became his undoing.

“Ain’t that why you had your pissin’ contest between you and the other three Captains that wanted me on their ship?” he asked with a rough chuckle, shivering again when fingers were against his neck and throat, flexing against his skin. “‘Cause I’m a damn good medic and the only one in the universe who’s gonna put up with your awkward, self-sacrificing ass?” 

“Mmhmm,” Jim hummed under his breath. “And I won. Beat them all out to have the best CMO on my ship ‘cause that was the plan all along, Bones. You and me exploring space and braving strange new worlds together.” 

His hands ventured over Bones’ shoulders, thumbs circling and fingers moving as he sought the tension he knew would head up into Bones’ head because a headache was more than just head and neck, 

“And you are a damn good medic,” he said softly more sincerely. “The best Star  
Fleet has to offer.”

“Jim that was never my plan, and you know it,” Leo muttered, because it hadn’t been. He’d thought, when he was forced into a seat on that shuttle, that he would graduate the Academy and then take a teaching post where he’d keep his feet on the ground. But now... He bit back on another sound, the groan aborted in the back of his throat, “but now I wouldn’t take it back for the world,” he added roughly. “Or the universe, whatever, I’m glad that I came out here. Into the black.” _With you_ , though that went unsaid. 

He shifted up into the touch, knowing he needed to stop this. Knowing he needed to just stop letting Jim do this like they were more than just friends because he’d spent a goddamn long time becoming okay with the fact that they weren’t anything more. He’d watched Jim fuck his way through a lot of people, breaking hearts along the way and leaving them littered on the floor behind him. Leo, with his hurts and heart packed up in the one bag of things he had with him when he’d gotten on that shuttle, knew his heart couldn’t take that. 

“Jesus, Jim.”

Bones’ heart was the one heart he’d never wanted to break which might explain why he’d kept his distance because he was Jim Kirk, he always fucked things up and the last thing he wanted was to do the same to Bones. Anybody else sure, but never Bones. Admittedly it was getting harder to resist, especially as he had Bones under his hands and the sounds he was making... 

Jim cleared his throat and smiled slowly. “Well I’m glad you wouldn’t take it back or that would suck. Like seriously suck.” He leaned forward, smoothing his hand down the length of Bones’ back before the other returned to Bones’ hair, fingertips pressing and circling. If Jim hadn’t gone into Starfleet then he could have become a masseuse, but he probably wouldn’t have and just done some menial job because he didn’t think he was capable of doing anything with his life. Hadn’t for the longest time, not until Captain Pike had waltzed in.

“How you feeling, Bones?”

“If you ever get yerself kicked outta Starfleet, Jim, I know ‘xactly what kinda job you’re gonna find yourself in,” Leo muttered, mind jumping to another scenario that made him groan again, head lolling into Jim’s hands and Christ he needed to move. He just needed to- he needed to move and not let those hands be on him any longer because otherwise he was going to go insane. Or explode. Or possibly lose it right here as if he were some kind of horny teenager and not a thirty four year old man. 

He shifted a fraction. “Don’t know, kid, I’m pretty sure you could find someone to replace me if I left.”

Jim’s hands stilled for a moment as Bones remarked about leaving and Jim was momentarily overcome with a sense of panic, especially as he hated the idea of anybody leaving him. Bones more so though, especially as Jim considered him his best friend amongst other things and he didn’t really do very well when faced with the reality that Bones might one day leave just like everybody else in his life.

Thankfully he recovered and just continued his ministrations, especially as they seemed to be eliciting groans out of Bones and fuck, it was kind of hot. Actually it was hot, really fucking hot. 

“Nah,” Jim said with a shake of his head. “I couldn’t find anybody to replace you, Bones.” And that was the truth. Nobody could replace Bones. 

In all honesty Jim was giving serious consideration to straddling Bones’ lap, pulling him up into a kiss and grinding his hips downwards because yeah, watching Bones like this, right now, it was sort of proving too much.

Leo chuckled, fingers flexing on his thighs and more than ever he really wished this chair - sofa sort of thing - had arms so he could grip them and retain some sense of control over himself and his situation. But no, that’s not what happened because all he had to grip was his thighs or the cushion and it was easier to grab his thighs even if he felt over-sensitive because, really, he didn’t want Jim to know the effect his ministrations were having. 

“You’re lucky I’d never consider leavin’ you. Not seriously.” He reassured, an oddly soft tone to his voice, like he knew Jim was afraid that one day Leo would leave him and he’d be alone. “You’re stuck with me ‘till we’re old and grey.” And he meant that, he really meant that. He just wished his voice wasn’t so strung out and ragged. Did he sound breathless? He felt breathless.

Jim bit his lower lip at that soft confession from Bones and well he made a decision right there and then, to try and seize the day because hell if he didn’t then he knew he was always going to regret that he didn’t act. His hands left Bones and he rounded on the chair before he promptly slid into the other man’s lap, arms going around his neck and hands slipping up to tangle in Bones’ hair before he pulled him up and closed the distance, mouth slanting over Bones. 

Granted it was hard to think straight considering he had Bones pressed up in his personal space and he knew if he ground his hips just right, which he did, and sure enough he gave a gasp against Bones’ lips.

Well that was a relief, he definitely hadn’t been reading the signs wrong.

Aw hell, no he hadn’t been reading the signs wrong and when Jim slid into his lap and kissed him, Leo’s hands lifted from his thighs to slide up Jim’s, gripping his hips as he kissed back, his hips rocking upwards slightly with the grinding movement from Jim. He drew in a sharp breath against Jim’s mouth, catching his lower lip with his teeth, growling under his breath as one hand lifted, trailing up Jim’s chest and hooking around the back of his neck, using the touch one both hands to draw Jim’s hips down again.

He broke the kiss to breathe, teeth still caught on Jim’s lower lip, tipping his head back and breaking the contact completely to just draw in a sharp breath, trying to control himself because otherwise he’d be- He closed his eyes briefly, eyes lifting to look at Jim again, hand moving to cup Jim’s face in a tender movement designed to just still him for a second.

“Jim-”

The growling was ridiculously hot, it really was. His fingers tightened in Bones’ hair as he ground his hips down against Bones’ again, eyes fluttering as he did so. Jesus Christ. He smoothed his hands over Bones’ jaw before hooking them in the other man’s shirt, using that grip to pull him so much closer, mouth and tongue roaming because hell now that he’d had a taste he definitely knew that one wouldn’t be enough.

Then Bones broke off and Jim let out a shaky breath, eyes bright blue and pupils blown wide, the touch to his face worked and he stilled for a moment in only the way that Bones could make him.

“Yeah, Bones?” He asked, voice rough and uneven.

God, Jim looked debauched and looked he’d already been fucked seven ways from Sunday from just a little make-out session and some dry humping on the couch. He bit his lower lip and brushed his thumb over Jim’s cheek, underneath his eye, utilising that legendary self-control to keep his hips still because Jim was more than this, a quick fuck on a chair on an alien planet. Even if that was literally the only thing Leo wanted to do. 

He leaned up, pressed a far more chaste kiss against Jim’s lips.

“You wanna tell me what you’re thinkin’?” he asked, because he needed to know, needed to know that Jim wanted something more than just sex even if that was probably a bit too much to ask for someone who was afraid of commitment. His other hand was pressed against Jim’s hip, thumb underneath the hem of his shirt, pressed against skin, the edge of that scar that wrapped over Jim’s right hip underneath the calloused pad of Leo’s thumb.

Jim swallowed and he maybe looked a little more panicked than he wanted to because well this hadn’t ever happened before, especially as they’d been making out and things tended to lead on from there, but now Bones had put the brakes on the situation and Jim was having an internal freak out.

“Um,” he muttered, flicking his tongue out over his lower lip before he sagged back, weight resting on the heels of his feet which had quite effectively settled alongside Bones’ thighs. “Thinking, Bones? I was kinda acting rather than thinking ‘cause yeah...”

Well, this was... awkward.

He cleared his throat and shrugged his shoulders. “Been wanting to do that a while so I did.” His hands dropped from Bones’ hair and curled around his shoulders before he lifted one to rub at the back of his neck. And then he decided that he should probably move because yeah moving would be good, but it proved difficult because of where Bones’ hand happened to be.

Not that it didn’t stop him from trying.

Leo dropped his other hand to the other hip, keeping him still. “Woah there,” he muttered, “Did I say you could move?” he asked, eyebrow arching as he used the grip on Jim’s hips to draw him close and keep him there, still resisting the urge to rock his hips up into the friction Jim was providing against him. 

He knew the kid wanted to flee, probably to hide himself away in another room and just wait it out, flirt and probably sleep with someone else to deal with what he would have considered a rejection and Leo would lose the chance to have this conversation. Not even a conversation, really, he just- he just wanted Jim to know that he wouldn’t go into this lightly. 

“So quit tryna get away unless you regret climbin’ on here in the first place.” 

Well Bones was right, Jim did want to flee and just turn tail because he had read the situation like a rejection and he felt embarrassed which admittedly Jim did not handle well. He pushed a breath out of his chest and stilled his attempts at moving away because he didn’t regret making the move, taking the plunge, but still.

“Alright,” he muttered as he left his weight on his heels and looked at Bones, feeling stupidly exposed and just plain ridiculous.

“Cool your heels, kid, I ain’t rejectin’ you,” Leo muttered, once he was sure that Jim wasn’t going to bolt, he lifted his hands to Jim’s face, pulled him in for another kiss, chaste and innocent and not allowing him to take control before he leaned back. “But I ain’t gonna- If we’re gonna do this, Jim, we’re gonna do it properly.” He wet his lower lip, hands smoothing down the t-shirt, just touching because he could, apparently, that this touching thing was something that he had access to now. “Which means I ain’t gonna rush anythin’.

Jim’s eyes closed at the kiss and his hands flexed where they had come to rest which was against his own thighs, a little unsure as to what he could and couldn’t do because this was a whole new territory for him. 

He rocked upwards until his forehead was pressed against Bones’, hands leaving his thighs to tangle in Bones’ hair as he fixated on where exactly the good Doctor’s hands happened to be.

“Alright,” he muttered with a nod of his head. “But you gotta take the lead ‘cause I don’t know how that works.” Because that was the truth, all people wanted from Jim was sex.

“You don’t know how what works?” Leo asked, hands sliding over his chest, hips, down Jim’s thighs, back up over his backside and along the straight planes of Jim’s back. He leaned up, pressed a kiss to the curve of Jim’s jaw, teeth grazing over the skin lightly. “Goin’ slow?” 

He deserved some kind of medal for this. Every fantasy he’d had for the last six or so years was about to come to fruition and- shit. He was saying no. He was saying ‘not now, later’. 

Jim’s eyes fluttered a little and his fingers tightened in the other man’s dark hair before he gave a twitch of his eyebrow. “Mmm, exactly,” he murmured as he turned his head and caught Bones’ mouth in his, a slow burning kiss left in its wake.

“Never gone slow in my life,” he remarked. 

His hands dropped to Bones’ shoulders before the flat expanse of his palms ran down Bones’ chest feeling the distinct muscle hidden beneath the material that he had seen more times than he cared to remember, but never thought he’d be able to touch.

Leo chuckled, letting his roaming hands slip underneath the shirt, calloused fingers skittering over the skin, catching on the long, thin scars that were one of many maps that marked Jim’s skin, the path to a history one day he knew would be shared with him in full instead of in snippets and pieces which Leo had carefully pieced together over their long years of friendship. 

“We’re not going any further than this,” Leo muttered, leaning up and biting gently at the skin above Jim’s pulse. “Not right now. Maybe later.” He leaned back, capturing Jim’s lips in another kiss, slow and passionate, hinting at the passion hiding behind that self-restraint. 

Jim tensed as he always did whenever anybody touched his scars but it was less obvious with Bones because it was Bones and he trusted him which all in all was quite frightening as he didn’t trust easy. Not after everything that had happened to him in his life. After a little while he relaxed and let his own hands dip under Bones’ shirt, dragging his short blunt nails over the other man’s skin as he committed the pathway of muscle to memory. For recall later.

He opened his mouth under Bones’ and tangled his tongue around his, letting the kiss remain slow and passionate as best he could given that slow really wasn’t his strong point.

Leo’s breath hitched in the kiss when blunted nails dragged over his skin, arching up a little as he met Jim kiss for kiss, just letting the slow burn build between the two of them. It amused him, a little, how hard Jim was trying to just keep it slow because he knew that people were willing to just drop their pants for him, one kiss and that was it, wham bam thank you ma’am and that wouldn’t do for Leo. Not with Jim. 

Hell, Leo wasn’t really a one night stand kind of guy. He dragged his fingertips over a long, thin line of scarring that ran along the gap between the third and fourth rib on Jim’s back. He felt the muscle groups moving beneath his touch and he ran through their names to keep himself together, keep it calm and not lose his cool.

As much as he pretended, he wasn’t- well, he wasn’t immune.

He broke the kiss again, turning his head to the side to catch his breath again and he shivered. “Damn,” he muttered with a rough chuckle, leaning back into the cushions, eyes on Jim’s face as his fingers continued their path over those scars, just watching Jim’s reactions.

Jim’s eyes fluttered again when Bones’ fingers continued to explore the network of scarring from one of the many traumatic times in Jim’s life, from when he’d had to fight tooth and nail for the right to survive and known the consequences. 

He flexed his hands against Bones’ chest before he arched under those talented fingers, forehead dropping to rest against Bones’ neck before he exhaled a shaky breath. 

Jim might have shivering ever so slightly, but that was only because the skin was so sensitive and this was a real trust exercise.

“It’s okay, darlin’,” Leo murmured, moving one hand to squeezed the back of Jim’s neck reassuringly, pressing a kiss to the skin underneath his ear, and then he breathed, “Lean back? I wanna see you.” He used the touch on Jim’s neck to guide him backwards again, eyes sharp on the younger man’s face, watching the flutter of eyelashes, the slight open ‘o’ of Jim’s mouth, the tension that flickered in and out whenever his fingers touched a new scar for the first time, length of his fingers exploring and teasing and touching and learning. 

He compensated easily when Jim arched into the touches, a small smile on his face as he watched the younger man. “Fuck, Jim, you’re incredible,” he breathed, low and rough and raw. Jim always made him feel like he’d been split open.

Jim’s eyebrow arched as the word ‘darlin’ rolled right off Bones’ tongue and he knew it was not part of the farce that their ‘marriage’ had been, which made a strange warmth pool in the pit of his stomach. And he leaned back, just doing his best to relax under that wandering touch because it wasn’t like the scars got touched that often nor did he let them get touched that often. Jim considered them ugly, remnants of a past better left behind and forgotten.

He gave a rough chuckle and let his fingers wander through Bones’ hair, touching for the sake of touching because he could do that now. “Careful,” he murmured. “You’re gonna give me a bigger head than I’ve got already.”

Leo snorted, touch dragging down the length of Jim’ spine before he reached up to card his fingers through Jim’s hair because he could do that now, he could touch, and he did, fingers just moving through Jim’s hair, down his arms, catching one hand and linking their fingers together as he drew Jim in for another kiss.

“I don’t think that’s possible,” he teased, nipping at Jim’s lower lip, pressing light kisses along the younger man’s jaw, leaving a mark just underneath Jim’s ear with lips and tongue before he withdrew, dropping his hands to Jim’s hips. 

He felt ragged, torn apart at the seams just from kissing and if they didn’t stop, Leo’s plan for this to go slow and not rushed and not like everything else Jim’s ever encountered would be utterly ruined. He wet his lower lip and gently patted Jim’s hips. 

“C’mon, kid,” he drawled with a careful control behind his voice, a thin thread that would be easily snapped, “Best get ourselves together. I think the Ambassador’s gonna be wantin’ us to at least make another appearance tonight.”

Jim made an almost petulant sound as Bones’ suggested they stop doing this and go do boring political things like play nice with Ambassadors, but he knew the other man was right. And it sucked, especially as Bones had gone and bitten him. Fucking tease.

He did however tighten his hands in Bones’ hair, curling himself into the other man as he slanted his mouth over Bones. The kiss was slow, passionate and more than displayed just how talented Jim’s tongue was in the way it claimed Bone’s mouth as its own. 

It was after a long moment of just kissing the older man that Jim finally withdrew, reluctantly so, and he began to shift from where he was straddling Bones.

Leo grimaced as Jim withdrew, pressing his head back into the cushions because yeah, he just needed a moment, thinking about appendectomies and neuroplasty, about open bleeding wounds and warp cores and- oh, well, that last one was pretty effective at shutting down his overheated system, though it did have the side effect of sending his mind into a brief spiralling panic that had his lips pressing together.

He sat forward, rested his forearms on his thighs, used the position to brace himself as he glanced at Jim.

“You okay?” he asked, looking up at him through dark eyelashes, accent thicker than molasses. 

Was he okay? What sort of dumb question was that? He was now sufficiently sexually frustrated thank you very much Leonard H McCoy with your oh so talented fingers and disturbingly hot mouth. But instead of saying that Jim gave a disarming smile.

“I’m good, Bones. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Leo laughed and pushed himself to his feet, giving in to his own urge to kiss that smile away and did so with a press of lips and a sweep of tongue before withdrawing. “Just checkin’,” he offered lightly, ignoring the fact that he knew damn well that the kid was wound up tighter than a coil and sort of enjoying it a little bit. 

Jim scowled at the back of Bones’ head before he inhaled, putting his best face forward as he gave a light shrug of his shoulders. “We best get back to the Ambassador.” And if Bones thought he was getting away with not being messed with for the remainder of the evening or their stay then he was sorely mistaken.

Just you wait, Leonard H McCoy.


End file.
